One of my key beliefs is the energy you bring to the interaction with a girl is the most important aspect of seduction. Knowing the techniques can help build attraction and sexual tension, but the overall attitude and vibe you have is more important than any routine or set technique.
Just imagine, you have learned some routine opener and you just can’t wait to use it. Let’s say you have the famed “I need a girls opinion” opener. This is where you walk up to either a single girl or a group of girls and say:
“Excuse me, I need a girls opinion.”
“My friend and I were just debating this… we have to buy a girl friend a present, and we aren’t sure what would be best. Would chocolate or champagne be a better gift for a friend?”
And she is supposed to start talking. This is a very low risk opener and is a very subtle way to start a conversation. Nothing wrong with it, but just learning techniques can have a major drawback.
“Excuse me, I need a girls opinion.”
Her: “Why are you talking to us???”
While this may be an extreme case, this is typical of what I see when men who only focus on just learning techniques try to interact with a woman. The energy you bring to the interaction will dictate the flow of the interaction, not the words you use, and if she doesn’t respond exactly like she is “supposed to” then you are going to be lost. And by the way, while we as humans all do act in set patterns for a majority of interactions, she is an individual with free will. Expect her to not react in any set pattern.
Everything we do as humans is for a reason. Sure, most of us have convinced ourselves we are “nice people” that will do things for others out of the kindness of our hearts. In truth, we all act in very selfish and self motivated reasons. All of us. Everyone knows on a subconscious level that if you are interacting with them it is for a reason.
Let’s take something as innocent as holding a door open for someone. I do this, assuming the timing is right, for men and women. It brings me pleasure to hold the door open if you are walking behind me. I have enough personal power and confidence, that I don’t need you to like me or interact with me, but I do enjoy seeing what energy and emotions it elicits in the other person. Most people are gracious, a few are confused and very few are outright rude. But I don’t care, I still get personal fulfillment when I have this interaction.
Now, in this example, the energy I bring to the interaction is not one of need or desire. I am not expecting a certain response, nor am I doing it to seem nice, or have an opening with the person, so my energy tends to make people happy. My energy is one that radiates from me in a positive manner for all to feel. That is a form of power.
But what if you are that nice guy that runs up to open the door for the pretty girl? Your energy is likely one where you hope she sees you as valuable, therefore your energy is one of need. This instantly makes her feel like she has to expend energy to validate you. Rather than radiating energy that charges others positively, you suck energy out of the interaction which repels people. Especially hot women.
So today we are going to discuss what value you add to a girl’s life.
Many seduction teachers have a great concept of looking at reality as a hot girl. This allows a man to visualize what life must be like with men offering to buy you almost anything, constantly commenting on how good you look and always trying to latch on to you and drain your energy. We use this concept to help men learn to be different in the approach (pattern interrupts) so that you can have a woman truly see you and not slate you with the last 1000 guys that have approached her with the same boring patterns.
But let’s take this deeper. Would you fuck you?
Seriously, what do you bring to the interaction? Why should she care? What benefit does she have being with you?
Think about it. I am a hairy man (outside of being bald). I don’t like hairy women. I know a girls legs can be shaved, but the few times I have seduced a girl and reached down and felt that she hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, it lowered my desire for her. Maybe not much, but I felt it. However, 100’s of girls have laid in my arms playing with my chest hair. First thing you have to know deep in your gut is a man and woman place different values on different traits.
Men and women are different, thank god. If they judged us by the same looks standard we judge them, I would never get laid. With that, they have higher standards for personality than you ever will. These personality traits I refer to as Alpha often since they tend to trigger that deep level of attraction. But why?
I will let you in on a little secret. As a species we make emotional decisions and then we rationalize them with logic. All of us. Men and women. Women tend to default to this mode a little faster than men, but we all do it. The most successful men and women I have ever met in business and life have the ability to resonate a passionate vision, while removing emotional snap decisions.
We use terms like “Displaying Higher Value” as a point of reference for the traits a man wants to convey as positive feelings to the girl. However, there are many misconceptions as to what Displaying Higher Value is all about. Ask any man not educated in the crimson arts what he can do to display higher value (DHV) and he will likely tell you to have a lot of money and drive a nice car.
Reportedly, in the book “The Woman’s Guide to How Men Think: Love, Commitment, and the Male Mind” by Shawn Smith there is a great description of a test and how women reacted to signs of wealth:
“In a carefully controlled experiment (Guéguen and Lamy 2012), researchers tested the idea of how important status is to women. They placed men in expensive cars and instructed them to approach women and ask for their phone numbers. Then they had the men do the same thing in medium- and low-status cars.
The results? The men were successful 23.3 percent of the time when women saw them in a high-status car, 12.8 percent of the time when they drove a middle-status car, and 7.8 percent of the time when they drove a low-status car.”
So if you drive a high status car you were almost 3 times more likely to get a number than if you drove a low status car. Of course, this doesn’t mean you would get a date, or even a response from her, but you would get the number. Guess we need to stop investing in mental development and start saving for high status cars.
Well, no. Here is the truth of that. I own a Dodge Viper, and it is a badass car. I have owned it for years and it is one of those cars people will come over to just look at. People want their picture taken in it. Every few months I take it out, clean it up, check the fluids and take it for a “pucker your ass” ride, but for the most part it sits in my garage getting dusty. I rarely put even 500 miles a year on it as I am keeping as a collector’s item.
I have had a girl yell “I will blow you for a ride in your car” as I was getting gas but no girl has ever approached me and given me their number while I am by the car. I have also never gotten a girls number while I was in the car. Of course, I don’t drive it much, but even then, it’s damn hard to meet girls while doing 70 on the highway.
My point is this, the car is a nice surprise for the very rare girl who has gotten a ride in it, but it is not what attracted them or kept them. When I am in the store, or bar, or on the lake, at the gym, or wherever my life takes me, no girl is going to see me with my car. While I was talking to a girl I could create some high value story where I discuss the time I was driving my viper doing 140 on the highway and I took a picture of the speedometer. That would surely bring value to her life. But it doesn’t. Talking about what you have and using wealth to show off is a sure fire way to get used as a chump. I know, I have done it. Sure, if you have money you can buy a woman, but if that is your strategy save yourself the self development time and just go rent an escort.
So what traits can you develop that do bring value to a girl’s life?
Everyone knows you have to have confidence. But is confidence inherently valuable to a woman? No, not really. It is what a man with confidence can do and make her feel that is valuable to the woman. If you are a man with no confidence, the energy you will project is of shyness and timidity. We are simply evolved animals and your lack of confidence is going to cause her to feel less safe with you. It may also cause her to feel that she will have to lead the interactions which means she will be investing more energy than you, with no positive return.
But if you are confident you can do and say things that will make her feel good about her being with you. And this is where the value comes in. A big, tall guy can make her feel safe, but so can a confident in shape short guy. A self assured man that can interact with any group opens up a new social circle and potential adventures that she couldn’t do on her own, and this makes her feel important. A confident man that has many women interested in him by his use of charm and challenge will make her feel jealous but also that she is the woman who had enough value to win him which makes her feel special. Jealousy at an extreme can be bad, but it is also a strong feeling that signifies her desire for a certain man and this feeling of jealousy is valuable to her as it helps her define what she feels is important.
Remember, this is not about logic. Logic is used to rationalize after the emotional feeling and choice.
Confidence is also an indicator of leadership which is another trait women find extremely valuable. Now ask yourself what value “displaying leadership characteristics” could have for a woman? Have you ever had to be a leader? Like leading a school or work project? In our society, leaders inspire others to follow them. Stalin and Hitler may have used fear to force people to follow them, and a bully may use this same factor, but for most of us we have to inspire people to follow us, which means we must return more benefit to the follower than energy they expend following.
I organized a large bike rally a few years ago. I had to plan the days, hotels, diners, gas stops and scenic route. I organized the end party with raffles for charity and gifts from sponsors. It took an enormous amount of energy and time. While I felt gratification from the accomplishment and how much everyone enjoyed the event it is not something I want to do again. Now, when I go to a rally, I am very appreciative that I don’t have to expend all of my energy keeping everything moving along.
That is a part of what a woman enjoys about men who display leadership traits. Remember, they are more emotionally wired than men. They can’t help it, it is literally in their DNA, so they tend to have a more challenging time making decisions. Don’t believe me? Watch a woman try to pick out an outfit for a social function that she has personal investment in. She will go through 100’s of outfits, complain she has nothing to wear, and spend hours trying to finish a task I will have done in 15 minutes. Men are geared to making less emotionally involved decisions, so when we offer positive leadership in our interactions we add value to her life.
For example, I don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Depending on the situation I will either say, “I am hungry… Let’s go get a taco.” which allows her to not have to think and follow to having food (which is only natural if the interaction is one of positive energy) . Or, I will offer two places that I would already like; “I’m hungry… let’s either have tacos at El Casa or steaks at Chili’s.” This adds value to her by removing the stress of having to decide what type of food, then where. And it still adds positive energy since it offers the illusion of choice which allows her to feel involved in the process.
Small displays of leadership and awareness are even more powerful. If I am talking to a girl and I see she is shivering, I will take off my jacket and put it around her. I don’t ask, I do it. By not asking I am displaying leadership. I was aware she was cold, I have the solution, here is the jacket. Now, the energy I radiate is like my door example – I am not doing this to get anything from her. I am doing this because I am powerful. This is another time that my leadership display adds value to her life. I was aware of her and solved an issue for her without needing her to invest her energy in the interaction.
If I was less powerful, I might give her the jacket hoping she would like me more which immediately feels negative to her. It’s not the actions, but the underlying energy. I firmly believe that learning NLP and Calibration is a huge part of connecting with a woman (or understanding our behavior). If you can calibrate a social interaction, you never have to learn a routine again. You will simply feel how to interact.
Let’s discuss one more trait that women tend to value highly: Challenge. Have you ever wondered why being a challenge creates so many positive feelings in a girl? By being a challenge, especially in a playful manner, you are clearly communicating that you value yourself, you have confidence and that you are still qualifying her. It is also an attraction marker that signals you do and have other female options at least as attractive as her. This gives her a rush of positive feelings and is another way for you to radiate powerful energy to her. Men who are a challenge are not needy nor do they suck energy out of interactions – they are the men in demand.
By being a challenge you are making her feel she can trust you. Yes, trust you. You will be felt to be genuine, which helps her feel safe. She is automatically programmed to feel that someone who is too nice, or doing too much for her without her personal investment wants something from her. These types of men are the ones that become jilted lovers and stalk, abuse and murder women. Remember, she will feel if you open the door to impress her or because your are powerful and a man that challenges her displays personal limits and dominance.
Keep in mind, that people will interact on set patterns most of the time. By challenging her you are also allowing her to express herself more fully. Actually, you are demanding she express herself more fully, and by expressing herself more she can connect with you more. This allows her to feel more open and free with you.
Why Does This Value Matter
We men are visual. See a hot chick, feel like having sex. Pretty simple really. That doesn’t mean we want to keep her, just have sex with her.
Since women are wired differently, they rely on how they feel about you. And you control how you make them feel. It is pretty simple with them too, we just tend to make it complicated. If you make a girl feel sexual, she will fuck you. Make her feel sexual and safe, she will do all of those wild kinky things you want. Make her feel sexual, safe and special and she will want you forever.