“Just discovered you and your site yesterday as I was searching for more more legitimate information as to why girls can be flaky, outside of the ‘mainstream media’ type explanations – and was FLOORED to find that article and the rest of your site (which I, of course, subscribed to). I’m a 28 year old small business owner from [Edit: Removed], and have always been able to attract & catch, but have always had an issue with holding on to a catch – from the reading on your site that I’ve done yesterday evening, last night, and this morning, I’m beginning to see more and more that I’ve been exhibiting ‘mostly’ correct techniques up front, but have been failing to continue to provide a ‘challenge’. I absolutely cannot wait to continue to read and absorb as much information from you and your site as possible (and before too long, I will ideally have the $$ together to pay for your coaching!).
I wanted to drop you a line, however, and ask for some up-front advice (which I have ABSOLUTELY no problem paying you for – as a young business owner I realize nothing of value is free); I have a bit of an interesting situation that I’ve wandered myself into, that I’ve managed to keep at bay for a while, but I’m beginning to venture into the realm of ‘Oh shit, what do I do?!’ My business does [Edit: Removed but a cool job with fast cars]; it’s a small shop, and I only have a handful of employees. Early last year, I hired a secretary to help handle the calls coming in – an applicant came in off the street and fit exactly the profile of what I was looking for – in particular, she is INCREDIBLY passionate about cars (her dad owns a shop where she’s from).
At the time she began working here, she had a boyfriend along with one particular trait that I was certain would keep me from having any interest whatsoever in her. Over time, her relationship fizzled out and my interest in her grew (and hers in me, as well). I’ve been treating it as two separate situations, since we spend all day all week in close proximity with each other (1. Work / secretary; 2. female interest); BUT as I’ve only just begun reading your Alpha Training, I wanted to ask if there are any particular things I should do or ways I should conduct myself around her , since it’s a bit harder to do the phone/text methods and some of the other techniques and such with someone who I see every day. Any information or insight is much appreciated – and let me know what I owe you for anything!!
[Edit:Name Changed By Request] Tony”
Thank you for the compliments and good luck with the business. I always admire men that strike out on their own, and your business looked very cool. Thanks for sharing your site.
As for your fantastic question, I have 2 different ways to answer – and both of them are technically correct.
To begin with, I highly recommend you do not date (go out to drinks with, sleep with, watch a movie with, marry, share cookies with, buy presents, or even flirt) with a woman you work with – or that works for you. I actually recommend you don’t even acknowledge she is a female. As a business owner and the president of several multimillion dollar organizations I know all too well the temptations and trials that await an Alpha Executive.
Back in my mid 20’s, with a similar life like yours (I could date them, but rarely keep them attracted) I made the mistake of dating and sleeping with an extremely hot, 18 year old intern. She was rather coy about our relationship, always hinting that she thought I was “hot” or leaving a lingering touch as we talked or walked by each other. She didn’t come right out and say it, but most of the office personnel assumed we were dating.
After a few weeks, we had a dating disagreement. You see, I felt like I was dating a cool college chick that would be heading back to class in a month. I felt that I could still go have drinks at a party or bar with friends. I did not think I had to spend every waking moment with her, or marry her. What I hadn’t learned yet was the true nature of women or the “50 Shades of Crazy” they tend to go when they feel slighted by a man just out of their league.
One night, I had gone to drinks with friends. She had stopped by my house and I wasn’t home. That’s about all there was to the fight.
The next few weeks were a real pain in the ass. She would burst into tears at work over me – and the other men and women would rush to comfort her. She would just show up at my house late at night, and if I didn’t do whatever she wanted, the next day would be a very distorted story at work about how mean I am, and the hateful things I had supposedly done.
Shortly after that, I left the company and headed out on my own. Since that time I have worked in several environments, with up to 1000 employees reporting to me. I have been an executive reporting to the CEO of a $3 billion dollar company with 7000 total employees. I have had every type of girl approach, hint, flirt and basically make it known they were available for my pleasure. That includes married, engaged, and otherwise taken women.
Since that first lesson, and learning more about female nature, I wouldn’t even have a conversation with a female in my office with a closed door without having another colleague in the room.
I have seen men fired for sexual harassment charges because they slept with someone in the office, and when the relationship was over, the woman retaliated. And let’s be honest – almost anything 2 people will do in a sexual relationship is considered sexual harassment if the woman changes how she feels about the man. The same touch that made her shiver for you could have her screaming assault if she has lost feelings for you or wants to get even with you.
Even my ex-wife went out of her way to complain that I had cheated on her to my own company employees, and even though I hadn’t, I still had to do morale and damage control.
I know business owners that had to settle 6 figure lawsuits with ex-employees they slept with to make larger sexual harassment lawsuits go away.
Our government takes sexual harassment very serious – assuming it is the woman charging the man. They (the female) will not have to pay for legal fees, as the state will likely take up the cause. And you can blow through $50,000 in lawyer fees before even going to trial. From a business standpoint, it is just cheaper to settle with the girl than fight and clear your name.
So my advice with a girl you work with – ignore her. Don’t even flirt. When you are at work, put on your blinders. This is where you build your wealth. At work you only see people you work with. Not potential sexual partners.
Now, when I am in business situations, I turn off 2 key elements – flirting and sexual tension. I simply do not react in a fun flirty way with women at work. And I urge all men to do the same.
I did, however, promise you 2 answers.
If my advice and the destruction I have seen these women cause is not enough to keep you out of this situation, or you have a few hundred thousand laying around that you want to spend on lawyers, then landing this girl is fairly easy.
The first thing you stop doing is trying. Don’t hang around her desk or try to flirt in “her” space. You let her come to your space, then you flirt with her in slight sexual tones, build tension and challenge her. Like when she comes to your office to hand you something, as she walks away tell her to “STOP!” – as she turns around to say, “What?” you say, “I was just enjoying the view.” Then look her dead in the eye and smirk. Let that tension build then go back to whatever you were focused on.
You also make her say “please” and “thank you”. These are mild compliance test that offer her a challenge.
Her: “Hand me that fax.”
You: “PLEASE hand me that fax?” with a smirk
Do this a few times and she will know she has to treat you with at least surface respect – which is more than most men get.
You also tell her more of what you want her to do and criticize what she has done wrong. This is said in a matter of fact, “I am the boss” tone – not to be mean, and not flirty. It is said flatly like “this is just how you have to perform if you are going to work here.”
For example, if she didn’t get all of the filing done you simply look her directly in the eye and say something like, “Mary, you didn’t get those files done yesterday. Will you have it done before you leave?”
Or if she hands you a half scribbled note of someone that called, “Marry, is this letter an “f”? Who was this again? Next time please write more clearly.”
At times, you will also want to use conflicting messages. I use this a lot with waitresses or other girls I run into in the retail industry.
Me: “Would you get me X.” said in a normal flat tone.
Her: “Sure, it will just be a moment.”
Me: “That’s ok, take your time (said in a normal manner).” Then immediately after, “What the hell is taking so long?” said in a sarcastic, slightly mean tone.
Her: She will turn and look at you with a little shock.
Me: Smirking and looking her in the eyes to judge her.
Her: She will smile and turn away.
Me: “Hurry up!” Said very demanding.
Now, if at times you are flirting with her and creating sexual tension by being a challenge and other times you are just “the boss” that expects her to get her job done, she is going to feel a roller coaster of emotions. You are rewarding her with a non-predictive pattern, and this is the same pattern that makes gambling so addictive.
After a few weeks of this, you can pretty much tell her whatever you want and she will respond. Follow my system for inviting her out for a drink and you should be good to go.
Lastly, I really recommend you place her on a back-burner and learn with other girls. Every time you deal with a female (outside of your work) you flirt, tease, challenge and create attraction. You practice these sections, and in 2 months you will have more girls to date than you will have time for.
And none of those girls will be able to claim “workplace sexual harassment” or sue you for a legal settlement because you didn’t do what they wanted.
Absolutely perfect, and exactly what I needed to know and hear.
You’re completely right about this being where I build my wealth – and I hadn’t thought about the possibility of a dating conflict exploding in the workplace. I worked hard enough to get here, it’s time to put the blinders on and keep building!
Thank you again SO much!
You are welcome.