hot-girl-with-glasses-impressRecently, I spent some time with the family when the discussion of “How To Impress a Girl” came up. Of course, my views don’t typically fall into the politically correct answer, however my method is principle based and works in most situations, which places high on my truth scale.

During this discussion, we had several Google searches which reinforced the “nice” but completely half-true surface items without addressing the heart of the matter. The typical AskMen, eHarmony, MensFitness or female in the conversation has these completely vanilla suggestions:

Dress to impress

Be well groomed

Wear designer shoes

Open her doors

Pull out her chair

Listen to her

Be confident

etc. etc. etc.

When I was first learning to seduce women, I believed this advice as well. But with time and more knowledge, I have learned you don’t have to do any of these. Sure, in some situations they may help smooth the social interaction, but none of these actually impress a female. To be honest, if she doesn’t see you as a sexual being that she is feeling attraction for, she won’t even notice most of these traits.

In fact, if you don’t have social skills and charm, some of these traits will come off as “creepy”.

So how do you actually impress a girl?

Create tension, release the tension at the right time and maintain your frame.

That is it – create and release tension while maintaining your frame.

One of the reasons I can easily ask a girl if she is bisexual and often have positive social interactions is because I can create tension and hold my frame. And I don’t release the tension until I am ready. I have the ability to put a lot of tension and stress on the social interaction and sit like a fat cat on a pile of money – just as happy as you please. The tension doesn’t make me nervous, nor am I all that concerned with the actual outcome. More than anything I like to watch how men and women react to those situations.

When I first meet men or women, I typically place a lot of pressure on them. I know when meeting women, without creating tension and demonstrating my ability to maintain my frame, they will never feel attraction to me. I just don’t have the looks or money to “buy” myself past their self imposed defenses. And I know feeling sexual tension is better than “buying” attention any day.

So when I first meet girls, I use my ability to lock eyes and draw a lot of investment out of them in the interaction. Every single time I meet a new girl, I begin by being very demanding. I am not nice, I do not supplicate, and I am not trying to impress her. I challenge her, I throw her verbal curve balls with pattern interrupts, and I demand their attention with my presence (never demand attention verbally – it has to be the intensity of your personality).

Now, when I am ready, I release this tension with charm. It could be with a cocky & funny statement, or a joke, or even a subtle change in conversation direction. But the fact I have created this tension and maintained my unshakeable presence creates a place in her mind for me – and that is what impresses girls. It makes me stand out in a good way by making her feel a rush of different emotions (the same emotions girls feel when they watch reality TV or Drama’s), and this actually impresses a girl more than anything else you can do for her.

How Can You Tell If There Is Tension

Have you ever been around someone who tells jokes or funny stories, but they are often laughing at their own jokes? Have you ever noticed how this actually feels awkward and releases the tension making the joke not as funny to the listener? It is this release of tension that communicates lack of confidence, lower social skills and ultimately that you are not a sexually desired male.

Every drama, movie, story, news, etc. features the buildup of tension coupled with an emotional release. Every single time you feel an emotion it is building to a resolution. Building this emotional tension in a positive way is exactly what will impress a woman. Without any buildup of pressure there is no tension which means no attraction.

So let’s look at some examples of how to build positive emotional tension and how to release the tension.

One of my favorite openers with a young girl is to immediately give her a challenge and obstacle that would prevent us from ever being together. So imagine I am walking down the sidewalk, in the mall, in a bar, wherever and I get that brief moment of eye contact with the beautiful young lady, I begin to shake my head in a negative way while starting to smirk. As we get within normal conversation range I will tell her something like “You had better be careful – my girlfriend hates it when girls with long, dark hair start talking to me”.

With this one statement I have added all kinds of fun tension – the girlfriend, the emotion of jealousy, a sly compliment that she is beautiful enough to threaten the current girlfriend, that we can’t even talk. While feeling the delicious tension, she will always be curious as to why I would even say that. I can take this in so many ways, but I usually talk about how I am the type of guy that never dates girls with short hair, and while my girlfriend is hot, she isn’t going to like you because you have such “healthy, wavy, straight, whatever” long hair.

Now touch her forearm in a matter of fact way and then ask her “how good a fighter she is”. This releases the previous tension, while adding new emotional tension.

Or if I am in a group and I have just met some new girl the rest of the group knows I might look at her and say something like “Do you know you have the most unusual facial structure… did you know (pause – tension build)… never mind. I don’t think you want to know… anyways…” She (and every girl in the group) will then be dying to know what it is you see. They will say things like, “What about my face… what, what… tell me…tell me!”

This is called an open loop tension pattern and is like chick crack. Another variation I used just yesterday on the short, cute 20 year old girl manning the desk at the gym (I don’t even know her name).

Me: “Oh no…. you are wearing glasses (those hip, thick black glasses).

Her: (Surprised) “What?” What about my glasses?”

Me: (Ignoring her question – building tension) “Have you ever thought of wearing contacts?”

Her: Trying hard to justify her glasses, “I have contacts but I like my glasses.”

Me: (Disapproving) “I just can’t believe you would do that…”

Her: (Intensely gazing at my locked eyes) “What?”

Me: “Wear those damn glasses… you look like… well I’d rather not say.” (Building the tension even more)fruits-of-the-impressed-girl

Her: (Drama filled worry) “What??? What do I look like?

Me: “It will offend you….”

Her: (Even more intensely) “What?? Tell me what I look like?”

Me: (Pause with intense eye contact) “A librarian.” (This releases some of the tension)

Her: (Laughing) “Oh, you don’t like librarians!”

Me: “It’s not that….” (Building tension again)

Her: “What is it then?”

Me: “It’s just girls that look like librarians are….” (Building tension some more)

Her: “What???”

Me: “Fuckable.” (Peaks the tension with a little shock)

Me: While touching her arm, “It’s a purely a sexual thing… it all goes back to my childhood.” (releases the tension but creates curiosity and opens her again)

These peaks and valleys of tension is what impresses the girl. It is the feelings they crave. It is why my ex-wife and an old girlfriend contacted me this week trying to engage me in flirty banter.

Now, to pull this off you need one more key.

Verbal Playfulness

Sometimes, when you first meet a girl, you may automatically feel that sexual tension, and she naturally falls into the “attracted to you” mode. With these girls, I still build and release tension, but I am usually able to escalate to sex much faster. These are those chicks that are naturally attracted to your type (clothes, hair, height, build, etc.)

Most of the time though, you have to deal with the tension that interacting with a stranger can create. Because of our culture, many people (and especially girls) are taught it is dangerous to talk with strangers. And most people feel anxiety (negative tension) when dealing with new people.

Most beautiful women experience a lot of negative tension from meeting new men. These are the men that try too hard, buy drinks with the expectation of hanging around all night, or are just socially awkward due to lack of social skills and confidence. These men place the women in the role of the leader, which places a lot of tension that she doesn’t want on to her. She feels the stress of having to lead the interaction, and she would prefer for a man to take that lead as this feels the most natural to her.

A very easy way to diffuse this negative tension is with verbal humor and playfulness.

Verbal humor and playfulness triggers ease from negative tension. Couple this playfulness with positive tension and you will trigger “flirting” in the girls mind which allows her to comfortably follow wherever you lead.

The entire ideal of adding playfulness into the positive tension interactions is to demonstrate that this is not a big deal. It is fun. It communicates, “Sure you are going to feel all kinds of emotions, but we are playing – this is fun.” This is the way romantic lovers communicate. Remove the sexual tension and this is the way friends communicate. By communicating this way you are leading her and allowing her the freedom to not only be herself, but to be genuine and honest as well. This helps her feel comfortable with the peaked sexual tension without feeling you are a danger to her physical well being.

This not only impresses a girl but allows her to feel safe. The more challenging or sexual a conversation goes, the more pressure a woman will feel that she has to get every answer right or that she may be in physical danger if she gives an answer a larger male may not like. Too much pressure and the best answer in her mind may be to simply break off the interaction and leave. This is when she simply walks away.

Any man new to creating his Alpha self has felt the tension of going up to an attractive woman. I remember going up to several extremely gorgeous women, start talking to them, sense they were waiting for something… to lead them somewhere. And I remember feeling I had no idea what to say, or where to lead the tension in the conversation.

So what did I do?

I ran. I said something like, “Nice to meet you…” and broke the interaction and let the tension die.

I don’t think this impressed any of the girls.

And after learning all of this I learned it is not the words. It is the intention behind the words. To build tension while being playful and humorous communicates an intention of fun, and this gives you the leeway to literally say anything. Which also communicates confidence.

So if you really want to impress a girl, kick off an interaction with verbal sparring; a few light lines of banter in the beginning let her know you’re not going to give her an overly-intense conversation that feels like she’s being grilled and makes her want to run for the hills. Spark a little tension then add a humorous tone at the beginning any interaction and you will defuses any of her fears of you being a social burden, and this communicates you are a fun guy. “

And that is what impresses a girl.

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5 Readers Commented

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  1. James on February 22, 2015

    I really enjoyed this. I’ve felt all of these concepts in real life but you explained it with more depth. I’ve never thought of flirting broken down detail by detail and now I see clearer than ever before. I can now apply it more effectively in my life. Thank you.

    The problem with this is knowing when to dial the tension back after you’ve already successfully gained what you wanted. Too far and you start to look like a jackass.

    I remember hearing someone say that the first few minutes of meeting a girl should be like a shot of heroin into her bloodstream. Build tension. Release tension. Navigate through the highs and lows. But then know when to pull out the needle so as to not overdose her thus killing the interaction. Great stuff Alpha

  2. Han on July 16, 2015

    This is absolutely spot on, you wrote it down clearly. While i know the technique, but you explain it so well. I’m gonna spread this out, to help more men become the Alpha dog, and find what they want.

  3. malehysteria on December 9, 2015

    Hi “Alpha Dog (queer)”

    I’m a woman.
    I’m just going to say that you’re right.
    You’re an asshole.
    But you’re right. Women LOVE assholes!
    The weird thing is that I was like you.
    Let me repeat that I’m a woman.
    And I was going around doing what you do.
    I was definitely an alpha, and it captivated people.
    It’s just not done by women.
    I was disgusted around 99% of the time.
    I was in control of every situation. It made me
    feel powerful, but but I was SO disappointed.
    Beautiful women want guys, but these women are insecure
    and wait around for too long to even indicate that
    they’re interested. I approached these guys. What I
    realized is that most guys SUCK. Especially the “hot” ones.
    They are HORRIBLE conversationalists even when they’re interested.
    I also discovered that 95% of Earth’s population is sexually scarred.
    Everyone I have met has had or has issues with sex (most likely
    because I’m emasculating, even though I’m very feminine).
    I’m not the hottest thing in the world, but I’m not unattractive.
    I have some great features and I play them up. What I understood
    a while ago was that what you think about yourself doesn’t
    really apply in social situations. I’m actually pretty insecure when
    I look in the mirror, but I know where I stand in society, and
    really, that’s all that matters. I’m not saying I’m special because
    I slept with guys…because most guys don’t say no to pussy in general.
    I’m getting to the part where I explain why you’re right, which I’m sure you’ll love.
    I think I was doing this alpha thing because…honestly, there’s a
    rush associated with being in control.
    I remember this one time a guy was circling the table I was eating
    at, and I looked at him real bored and asked “so are you gonna sit down?”
    I love calling people out on their game.
    But what I was really looking for was for someone to stand up to me and
    call my bullshit. The guys who just told me to sit my ass down
    were the ones I really enjoyed. I like a challenge, and that
    flirty sexual tension is to die for.
    You probably dislike women like me,
    but it’s okay. I just wanted to share my story.
    And tell you that you’re right. I just wish you’d be less
    of a caveman about it.

    • malehysteria on December 9, 2015

      Also, there is a fine line between dominant and creepy. I’m all for talking about sex in the first conversation(something I strive for in EVERY conversation, really), but your “fuckable” comment honestly would have turned off 70% of the females I know. And it would have gotten an eye roll from me. I don’t know if you mention this, but the ignoring game is pretty good. Girls don’t like clingy. The two worst things you can do around me is 1) show your weakness and be awkward about it (I WILL make fun of you probably forever, but if you laugh it off, it’s okay) and 2) be clingy (I actually talked to an attractive model who would have been perfect if he hadn’t complained incessantly about girls not being faithful to him…I finally told him–this is exactly why they’re not faithful). But yea. You’ve got it pretty much down. Tips I would add include (and I know I wasn’t asked, and honestly, I have no idea how I ended up on this website…but I’m involved now):
      1) Have some stories…know about something…have a passion? Or at least be a cunning linguist.
      2) Number one gets boring after a while. So talk about the girl. Ask about her. And not the boring how are you? Or where are you from? They work but are so fucking boring. You were pretty good with this. Know some philosophy, women will want to crawl in bed with you if you can have a “deep” conversation.
      3)Smell good. So important. I can have sex with someone who’s ugly, but not with someone who smells bad.
      4) As you said above, add some shock value to the conversation. After a while, all my conversations ended up being the same. I talked to A LOT of people. One trick is to find something shocking about the day, and you can use it on everyone you talk to that day. I guess it’s different for guys. My shock factor was sexual most of the time… which is at the most slutty on my part, but never creepy, which it can be if it comes from a guy. Read news articles. But not the ones about war and stuff. The interesting ones.
      5) Take control. This doesn’t always work on every girl. I like it when a guy orders for me or corrects me when I’m doing something. Even if it’s just a reason for me to argue.
      6) This is a more sexual tip. Women like to feel safe. They like to be held, but not all the time. Don’t cling! But we want to be held tightly when we’re being kissed. And when you kiss, hold some part of the woman’s head (preferably the back of the head…you can caress the cheeks too). AND I’m not sure if it’s just me, but how you touch is important.
      To make the way you touch masculine, use large surfaces slowly. Use your entire palm to stroke a body part, not just a finger (unless it’s an intricate and sensitive body part…use some sense).
      7) Oh, and now that we’re talking about sexual stuff…
      Don’t ever tell a girl you want to “fuck the shit out of” her. I don’t know where this came from, but it’s actually a very common saying, and it’s not the picture you want to conjure. Women want to feel special. Even if it’s a one night stand, we want to feel like we’re THE one.
      8) Don’t burp or pee around her. It’s a no brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t know this rule.
      9) This is crucial if you want a good reputation with the ladies: Don’t make claims you can’t live up to. I’m talking sexually, but this counts for everything actually. I rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed. The best lays were the ones that basically said “oh you just wait” instead of ” I’m going to make you squirt your brains out.” Women like subtlety.
      10) The brain is the most important sexual organ. Few can do this well, and don’t do this if you can’t do it well, but I like it when a guy says little things to me during foreplay. It’ll get me more aroused than anything else. This can be as dirty as you like, depending on who it is. Some can handle more than others. But it can be a pure compliment. Just don’t make it cheesy. And make it sincere. If you say “I can’t wait to be inside you,” but you say it in a weird/nervous/bored voice, it won’t work.
      11) Girls like mystery. Have something mysterious about you. And don’t give weird compliments. I’ve had guys tell me I have a nice forehead. Just…why.

      • AlphaX Author on January 7, 2016

        Jesus, if you want to be with me just send a picture… and buy me a scotch.