Recently, I spent some time with the family when the discussion of “How To Impress a Girl” came up. Of course, my views don’t typically fall into the politically correct answer, however my method is principle based and works in most situations, which places high on my truth scale.
During this discussion, we had several Google searches which reinforced the “nice” but completely half-true surface items without addressing the heart of the matter. The typical AskMen, eHarmony, MensFitness or female in the conversation has these completely vanilla suggestions:
Dress to impress
Be well groomed
Wear designer shoes
Open her doors
Pull out her chair
Listen to her
etc. etc. etc.
When I was first learning to seduce women, I believed this advice as well. But with time and more knowledge, I have learned you don’t have to do any of these. Sure, in some situations they may help smooth the social interaction, but none of these actually impress a female. To be honest, if she doesn’t see you as a sexual being that she is feeling attraction for, she won’t even notice most of these traits.
In fact, if you don’t have social skills and charm, some of these traits will come off as “creepy”.
So how do you actually impress a girl?
Create tension, release the tension at the right time and maintain your frame.
That is it – create and release tension while maintaining your frame.
One of the reasons I can easily ask a girl if she is bisexual and often have positive social interactions is because I can create tension and hold my frame. And I don’t release the tension until I am ready. I have the ability to put a lot of tension and stress on the social interaction and sit like a fat cat on a pile of money – just as happy as you please. The tension doesn’t make me nervous, nor am I all that concerned with the actual outcome. More than anything I like to watch how men and women react to those situations.
When I first meet men or women, I typically place a lot of pressure on them. I know when meeting women, without creating tension and demonstrating my ability to maintain my frame, they will never feel attraction to me. I just don’t have the looks or money to “buy” myself past their self imposed defenses. And I know feeling sexual tension is better than “buying” attention any day.
So when I first meet girls, I use my ability to lock eyes and draw a lot of investment out of them in the interaction. Every single time I meet a new girl, I begin by being very demanding. I am not nice, I do not supplicate, and I am not trying to impress her. I challenge her, I throw her verbal curve balls with pattern interrupts, and I demand their attention with my presence (never demand attention verbally – it has to be the intensity of your personality).
Now, when I am ready, I release this tension with charm. It could be with a cocky & funny statement, or a joke, or even a subtle change in conversation direction. But the fact I have created this tension and maintained my unshakeable presence creates a place in her mind for me – and that is what impresses girls. It makes me stand out in a good way by making her feel a rush of different emotions (the same emotions girls feel when they watch reality TV or Drama’s), and this actually impresses a girl more than anything else you can do for her.
How Can You Tell If There Is Tension
Have you ever been around someone who tells jokes or funny stories, but they are often laughing at their own jokes? Have you ever noticed how this actually feels awkward and releases the tension making the joke not as funny to the listener? It is this release of tension that communicates lack of confidence, lower social skills and ultimately that you are not a sexually desired male.
Every drama, movie, story, news, etc. features the buildup of tension coupled with an emotional release. Every single time you feel an emotion it is building to a resolution. Building this emotional tension in a positive way is exactly what will impress a woman. Without any buildup of pressure there is no tension which means no attraction.
So let’s look at some examples of how to build positive emotional tension and how to release the tension.
One of my favorite openers with a young girl is to immediately give her a challenge and obstacle that would prevent us from ever being together. So imagine I am walking down the sidewalk, in the mall, in a bar, wherever and I get that brief moment of eye contact with the beautiful young lady, I begin to shake my head in a negative way while starting to smirk. As we get within normal conversation range I will tell her something like “You had better be careful – my girlfriend hates it when girls with long, dark hair start talking to me”.
With this one statement I have added all kinds of fun tension – the girlfriend, the emotion of jealousy, a sly compliment that she is beautiful enough to threaten the current girlfriend, that we can’t even talk. While feeling the delicious tension, she will always be curious as to why I would even say that. I can take this in so many ways, but I usually talk about how I am the type of guy that never dates girls with short hair, and while my girlfriend is hot, she isn’t going to like you because you have such “healthy, wavy, straight, whatever” long hair.
Now touch her forearm in a matter of fact way and then ask her “how good a fighter she is”. This releases the previous tension, while adding new emotional tension.
Or if I am in a group and I have just met some new girl the rest of the group knows I might look at her and say something like “Do you know you have the most unusual facial structure… did you know (pause – tension build)… never mind. I don’t think you want to know… anyways…” She (and every girl in the group) will then be dying to know what it is you see. They will say things like, “What about my face… what, what… tell me…tell me!”
This is called an open loop tension pattern and is like chick crack. Another variation I used just yesterday on the short, cute 20 year old girl manning the desk at the gym (I don’t even know her name).
Me: “Oh no…. you are wearing glasses (those hip, thick black glasses).
Her: (Surprised) “What?” What about my glasses?”
Me: (Ignoring her question – building tension) “Have you ever thought of wearing contacts?”
Her: Trying hard to justify her glasses, “I have contacts but I like my glasses.”
Me: (Disapproving) “I just can’t believe you would do that…”
Her: (Intensely gazing at my locked eyes) “What?”
Her: (Drama filled worry) “What??? What do I look like?
Me: “It will offend you….”
Her: (Even more intensely) “What?? Tell me what I look like?”
Me: (Pause with intense eye contact) “A librarian.” (This releases some of the tension)
Her: (Laughing) “Oh, you don’t like librarians!”
Me: “It’s not that….” (Building tension again)
Her: “What is it then?”
Me: “It’s just girls that look like librarians are….” (Building tension some more)
Me: “Fuckable.” (Peaks the tension with a little shock)
Me: While touching her arm, “It’s a purely a sexual thing… it all goes back to my childhood.” (releases the tension but creates curiosity and opens her again)
These peaks and valleys of tension is what impresses the girl. It is the feelings they crave. It is why my ex-wife and an old girlfriend contacted me this week trying to engage me in flirty banter.
Now, to pull this off you need one more key.
Sometimes, when you first meet a girl, you may automatically feel that sexual tension, and she naturally falls into the “attracted to you” mode. With these girls, I still build and release tension, but I am usually able to escalate to sex much faster. These are those chicks that are naturally attracted to your type (clothes, hair, height, build, etc.)
Most of the time though, you have to deal with the tension that interacting with a stranger can create. Because of our culture, many people (and especially girls) are taught it is dangerous to talk with strangers. And most people feel anxiety (negative tension) when dealing with new people.
Most beautiful women experience a lot of negative tension from meeting new men. These are the men that try too hard, buy drinks with the expectation of hanging around all night, or are just socially awkward due to lack of social skills and confidence. These men place the women in the role of the leader, which places a lot of tension that she doesn’t want on to her. She feels the stress of having to lead the interaction, and she would prefer for a man to take that lead as this feels the most natural to her.
A very easy way to diffuse this negative tension is with verbal humor and playfulness.
Verbal humor and playfulness triggers ease from negative tension. Couple this playfulness with positive tension and you will trigger “flirting” in the girls mind which allows her to comfortably follow wherever you lead.
The entire ideal of adding playfulness into the positive tension interactions is to demonstrate that this is not a big deal. It is fun. It communicates, “Sure you are going to feel all kinds of emotions, but we are playing – this is fun.” This is the way romantic lovers communicate. Remove the sexual tension and this is the way friends communicate. By communicating this way you are leading her and allowing her the freedom to not only be herself, but to be genuine and honest as well. This helps her feel comfortable with the peaked sexual tension without feeling you are a danger to her physical well being.
This not only impresses a girl but allows her to feel safe. The more challenging or sexual a conversation goes, the more pressure a woman will feel that she has to get every answer right or that she may be in physical danger if she gives an answer a larger male may not like. Too much pressure and the best answer in her mind may be to simply break off the interaction and leave. This is when she simply walks away.
Any man new to creating his Alpha self has felt the tension of going up to an attractive woman. I remember going up to several extremely gorgeous women, start talking to them, sense they were waiting for something… to lead them somewhere. And I remember feeling I had no idea what to say, or where to lead the tension in the conversation.
So what did I do?
I ran. I said something like, “Nice to meet you…” and broke the interaction and let the tension die.
I don’t think this impressed any of the girls.
And after learning all of this I learned it is not the words. It is the intention behind the words. To build tension while being playful and humorous communicates an intention of fun, and this gives you the leeway to literally say anything. Which also communicates confidence.
So if you really want to impress a girl, kick off an interaction with verbal sparring; a few light lines of banter in the beginning let her know you’re not going to give her an overly-intense conversation that feels like she’s being grilled and makes her want to run for the hills. Spark a little tension then add a humorous tone at the beginning any interaction and you will defuses any of her fears of you being a social burden, and this communicates you are a fun guy. “
And that is what impresses a girl.