One of the most fascinating components of my research is learning what triggers attraction in women. Attraction is not a choice and women are genetically wired to find certain personality traits in men attractive. More so than even physical features (which is what primarily triggers attraction in men). Understanding these triggers is where a lot of men and women get confused in seduction, but is the key to improving your love life and getting what you want.
For example, take the personality trait “kindness”.
If you read the general purpose “what women want” articles written by women or men that don’t date very hot women, you will find that many people say “kindness” is something women want.
However, what women say and what they actually respond to are generally different. In most cases, when a woman says she wants “kindness”, she is seeing an Alpha man that has already triggered high levels of attraction in her mind.
In one study, the responsiveness (another way of saying kindness and attentiveness) of male partners on a first date impacted how attractive the man was perceived to be.
– Society for Personality and Social Psychology
Yep, you read that right: the less responsive guys were (i.e. the less kind they were), the more attractive women found them. Let that sink in.
With that, we are going to look at both positive and negative sexual triggers to understand how the trait generally impacts sexual attraction in women.
Positive Sexual Triggers
These Positive Sexual Triggers actually make a girl feel more attraction towards the man. That does not mean she will say she likes it. Many of the positive sexual triggers actually increases a woman’s frustration level as well. The higher her attraction, the less you are controlled by her, the higher her frustration level is also going to be.
I have also added in “Temporary Satisfaction” and “Long Term Satisfaction” as I have seen these play out in real life, and will help men understand why we do some of the dumb things we do. You will notice that many of the personality traits that lower attraction, actually INCREASES Temporary Satisfaction. That means the girl thinks she likes it (or actually does) but it erodes sexual attraction many times by just releasing the tension.
As with most of life and our media, we tend to see what should work, not what really works. That is why we have a generation of weak men that have no idea how to really seduce a woman. We spend way too much time doing what they say they want, rather than what really works.
Aloofness is a noun meaning a state of being distant, remote, or withdrawn. Someone showing aloofness might be shy, or just really doesn’t want to be around people. Aloof
It has been proven time and again that women are more attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear (Association for Psychological Science). Being shy is not the turn on, but being distant and aloof with a girl communicates to her you are not “blown away with her”, hence she sees you as a challenge, and will work to get your attention. This is a very common theme for many of these Positive Attraction Triggers.
Breaking Social Rules
Want to know why so many hot women love Trump…? It is not for his money, but his brutal honesty and ability to break social rules.
Part of the key here is to know the rules, and selectively break them when it is advantageous for you to do so. This requires a lot of social skill with an understanding of calibration, and demonstrates confidence, fearlessness and preselection by other women.
I write a lot about challenge. This builds tension, sparks attraction and is my favorite tool to flirt and attract women. Being a challenge also demonstrates a high level of preselection as only men that have lots of women will risk offending them… which actually has the opposite effect and attracts women more.
Communication skills are a key to just about anything when dealing with people. It is understanding not only what to say, but what not to say. It allows a person to build rapport, trigger comfort and demonstrates social intelligence.
Once again, the key is know what not to say as much as what to say.
Everyone knows this, but so many people lack true confidence.
Confidence not only displays “survival” ability, it also demonstrates social intelligence and preselction. Men that are confident tend to do well with ladies, hence when women meet a confident man they automatically assume he has other women and is desired. Nice little evolutionary trick right there.
dom·i·nance – noun: power and influence over others.
Just being dominant and in control of your own emotions and life triggers attraction. I have found the more dominance rules I have for bedroom play, the more attractive I am and the better sex the girl has.
Fearlessness also demonstrates confidence that you can do whatever you want and come out on top. It is a skill of learned discipline and calculated risk. That is especially true when it fearlessness around how a woman will react to you.
Most people say they are honest, and most are lying about that.
As a sexual trigger, brutal but selective honesty is the key. You can’t hope you are the prize, you have to know it. When you are communicating with a girl, being honest will be felt as congruent and trigger attraction. Being dishonest is felt as deception and trigger danger alerts in the mind.
For example, if the old me approached a girl and offered to buy her a drink because I was nice (which is a self lie… I was buying the drink to get her attention), she is going to feel I am doing it to “trick” her or obligate her into spending time with me. This makes most girls say no, or say yes, take the drink and leave.
I have had better results just telling a girl she has nice tits – and even just grabbing one. Bold, broke social norms and very honest.
Now honesty does not mean being an open book, it means you are very congruent with your life. If you say you don’t date girls with short hair, you had better not be dating girls with short hair.
I almost left this one out. Leadership is a display of confidence, social intelligence, risk taking and ambition. Leaders tend to influence others to help achieve goals which is also a display of dominance.
A new study has shown a full 15% of women has admitted to sleeping with the boss ( – Business Insider). From my experience, more that half would have if the boss had wanted them and acted on it. Power is an aphrodisiac.
Ever single time I find myself in a problem spot with a woman, I work to amp my masculinity. It always works to increase her attraction to me.
Masculine traits include courage, independence and assertiveness.
What did the researchers find? Women with concerns about health and disease – that is, those who were more sensitive to pathogen disgust – preferred men with macho facial features, deeper voices, and muscular bodies. Pathogen disgust also correlated with women’s increased preferences for masculine men, whether they be ideal or actual partners. Moral and sexual disgust were not found to be significant predictors of women’s preferences for macho features or their choices in a romantic partner.
Masculinity is also reflected in your overall strength and size. That’s why a man should always focus on his diet and fitness.
Results showed that women were more likely to want short-term relationships with the guys who had big muscles.
Nice guys try to make life very easy for the girl. They display everything, they share everything about how they feel, and they remove the mystery. This completely removes the “dream” a girl has about finding the right guy. To fall for you, she has to think about you, and if you tell her everything right at the beginning she has nothing to work with.
Being mysterious is also one part of being a challenge, but it has an additional component in confidence. Men with little confidence always try to impress the girl and share everything about themselves. The mysterious man is subtly communicating he can take her or leave her, which tends to make him look of higher sexual value than the girl.
One of my absolute favorites. Not only are girls more attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear, they love a man they cannot control. Many times women will “shit test” men to judge how much the guy likes them, how confident and strong he is, or even how important she is to him.
Many men think they have to be rich to get hot girls. I was one of these guys back in my 20’s. The truth is, a man that is passionate about his goals and life triggers more attraction than nice men with money.
Men with passion are displaying a masculine trait of purpose. The desire and drive to achieve their goals. It also subtly demonstrates that the woman is not the center of his world increasing her desire to attract him more.
This is by far the best sexual trigger, and the hardest to fake. Many of the sexual triggers subtly hint that a man has a lot of choice in the sexual market – as in women love him aka preselction. But nothing actually beats being out with hot women meeting more hot women.
The absolute easiest pickups in my life is when one of my hot bisexual girlfriends and I went out to meet other women.
Research also shows that women think men with sexual partners are more attractive (- New Scientist).
As a risk taker I can tell you the motorcycle jacket and ripped jeans attracts a lot more hot girls than the $2000 suit.
Researchers at Hartpury College in England studied 146 British women aged 18-24 and found even women with a high quantity of dating experience are still geared towards partners displaying narcissistic ( – ScienceDirect) (read: self centered) characteristics.
The more you put yourself first, the more attraction you will make her feel.
A lot of times when a girl ask why I am doing something (usually something very kinky) I give her the most self-centered answer I can. My answer is also brutally honest and short…
“Because I like it.”
Sense Of Humor
During the funny clips, girl’s brains showed more heightened activity than boys. According to the researchers, this meant that the girls experienced more positive feelings in response to the funny clips than boys did. Girls felt more of a sense of reward in watching the funny clips than boys did.
Fast forward 20 years and you have the reason why attractive women sometimes go for not as physically attractive, yet funny, men. According to the researchers, a potential mate’s humor is effective in captivating women because “the female brain, particularly the reward circuit, is biologically better prepared to respond accordingly.”
The key with humor is to see humor in her nonsense. Tease her, joke with her, laugh at her too. Love is supposed to be fun.
Now, I never recommend you become her home entertainment center. The humor you use is to typically demonstrate your higher sexual market value.
Take It Or Leave It Attitude
The absolutely strongest negotiating position to be in is the “Take It Or Leave It” mentality. When you have this attitude you communicate higher sexual value than you place on the girl. Girls never date their equal, they always date up and this triggers that “hypergamy” mentality.
Negative Sexual Triggers
Now, many of these traits will hit a nerve. Girls will say “that’s not what they want” in a man at all. The media and movies all have our hero displaying some of these traits and winning the girl.
I could care less what girls say or movies portray.
I gave up trying to make everything fit what I thought it should be and just started seeing reality for what it is.
Girls chase guys that have the “I am the prize” mentality. They don’t typically date “nice” guys. At least not more than once.
One thing you may note is a lot of these Negative Sexual Triggers also have Temporary boost in Satisfaction. Take Over Pursuit as a perfect example. You meet a new girl and you both have instant chemistry. You get her number and you are so excited! You text her what a good time you had meeting her. The next day you text hello. She text back but after a few text you don’t hear from her again.
Over the next week you text her a few more times and never hear anything. She temporarily liked you texting… but it lowers her attraction by making you look too available and needy.
If you really pay attention, nice guys apologize to women all the damn time. The apologize for everything. And this has been proven to be seen as weak ( – Psychology Today).
Guys that feel they have more sexual value than the girl never apologize.
I try to stay grounded. If I really fucked up, I apologize. But that is very rare.
If you don’t believe me, the next time you have an argument with a woman, apologize a lot… she will likely attack you more. She will also withdraw from you more.
But if you hold your ground you look stronger and hence trigger attraction. A girl does not have to like you to sleep with you, she just has to feel attraction.
If your strength or confidence comes from what another person thinks of you (let alone a girl) then your world can be shattered on a whim. There is no stability or security in people that seek approval.
In a study he did with his wife, Naomi Eisenberger, Mr. Lieberman monitored subjects’ brains while having them play a video game in which they tossed a ball with two others. But the two others were avatars, and they quickly stopped sharing the ball with the subject. The pain the subjects felt at being cut out was devastating, on par with breaking a leg.
His conclusion: While getting lots of likes or retweets feels great, the feeling of rejection from not getting them is often greater. People’s fear of being excluded is so intense, he said, that “even if someone gets on an elevator and the other person steps away, that is enough to make the normal person get all wrinkled up and say: ‘What the heck? Is that person doing that to me?’ ” In other words, while that warm kiss from my friends in the airport may have been nice, it was hardly worth the risk of what happened: feeling kicked in the face because I was ignored.
My theory is this… the Alpha, or simply the mentally strong, shrugged off this norm to fit in so they could try new things and discover new ways of doing things. They didn’t follow social norms which looks Brave, Confident and Breaks Social Norms, all of which trigger attraction.
Ever heard of Intermittent Reinforcement and the Persistence of Behavior – Universitat Pompeu Fabra ? This is the scientific reason why people become addicted to gambling. Or another person.
I noticed very early on in my dating career, when a girl was hot and cold with me I liked them more. When they text back, flirted, dated me then disappeared for several days I actually felt my attraction go up. Even if I wasn’t that into them at first.
It is a simple concept really. If you are predictable or dependable in a love situation you lower attraction by not offering a challenge and you look like your sexual market value is below your mates.
In other words, satisfying your partner’s needs or wants increases how much they like you and how friendly they feel toward you—but it can also reduce their desire to chase you for more. In contrast, not satisfying a partner’s needs may keep them passionately pursuing you and trying to please you, but will eventually lead to dislike, dissatisfaction, and animosity.
The key is balance—intermittent rewards and a bit of tension.
In early dating, gift giving is usually more of a transaction and reciprocal exchange. At this stage, men in particular might be motivated to buy lavish gifts to escalate the relationship. Such gift giving may make the giver feel good, but will most likely not have the intended effect on the recipient. (See here.) In fact, big gifts early in dating may make a partner feel anxious, obligated, or manipulated. In short, guys, buying that big-ticket item for your new girlfriend will most likely not have the desired effect.
Gift giving is the same as many of the Negative Sexual Triggers. A girl will “like” it, but it subconsciously communicates lower value.
Most people look at a gift from an unknown person with suspicion. “If I don’t know them, why would they give this to me unless the want something…”
The guy that has lot’s of choices with women is not going to try and buy her with expensive gifts, dinners, trips or anything else. His gift to her is simply his time.
This is very closely associated with “Gift Giving”.
Many men will “do nice” things for hot girls they wont do for men. This triggers the same internal dynamics as if he gave her a gift since the act of kindness is typically done to make her feel like she “owes” him.
Better to have her do kind things for you.
And that perfectly describes why “need” lowers attraction. It communicates low self esteem and that you are starving (as in attention from attractive females). A man in demand simply does not have time to display any of these needy traits.
You know the fastest way for a bully or criminal to feel empowered and attack you? Try to flee or avoid them.
This is a basic animal/human trait. We really do pursue that which flees.
The opposite is also true.
If your relationship is having a rough spot, retreat a bit. If the partner still has any attraction to you at all they will start pursuing you to fill that void.
As a high value man, I just don’t pursue women. The one time in my life I was dating the most women I simply told them “I didn’t take girls numbers, if they wanted to see me, they would have to take my number and text me.” The results were amazing. While an extreme example, more girls were instantly attracted to the challenge and did text/pursue me.
From experience men that do not display this lower cognitive ability (as in chase, be nice, gift giving, etc.) were displaying large levels of previous interaction with attractive women.
In addition, the fastest way to increase sexual desire in a potential mate is to communicate you are hard to get (or almost unattainable).
Though 59 percent were interested in pursuing the single guy, that figure jumped to 90 percent when they were under the impression he was already in a committed relationship.
More specifically, she said that surprise is your brain’s way of alerting you to pay attention, which in turn activates curiosity, excitement, and wonder—key elements to absorbing information. Not only that, “Surprise also builds new neural pathways in our brains, leading us to think more flexibly and creatively,” she said.
Predictable becomes boring… but when you don’t do as expected you actually activate the part of the brain that focuses attention. People, in general, will then spend time trying to figure out what the “surprise” meant.
“Romantic relationships need the perfect balance of surprise and predictability,” said Luna. “While a sense of safety and comfort is important to release oxytocin (the cuddle chemical) and build trust, too much predictability is a romance killer. Surprise, mystery, and anticipation boost our dopamine levels, which triggers attraction and excitement.”
Telling Your Feelings
Not only does this take away the “surprise” element, it also lowers attraction by removing the desire of women to want to earn you. She wants a man all the other women want, and she wants to feel she earned it.
Science proves that Women Are More Attracted to Men Whose Feelings Are Unclear.
If you really want to give her what she craves, don’t tell her how you feel. Let her wonder about it and figure it out.
Vulnerability is a feminine trait, and while most research suggest a man displaying a vulnerable side will create a deeper emotional state, my experience is the exact opposite. This may be because the old me was a sap and used bad things that happened in my life to “try to get the girl to like me”. Typically, feminine traits should stay with the feminine role… and that is not the Alpha male.
Truly being vulnerable did create an emotional bond with my girl when I damaged my neck and was paralyzed. But I wasn’t playing around and seduction was the furthest thing from my mind.
For most men, completely eliminating the vulnerability side of your nature will increase attraction rather than lower it. Don’t believe me? Ask all those hot girls that complain about the jerks they dated and ask them how vulnerable the men where. You are going to get back blank stares.
They will then describe Passion for his mission as him being “vulnerable”. Not the same thing at all.
Want to know why women like tall men? It’s not because they like the look of nose hair. No, height is correlated to muscle mass and STRENGTH.
Strength is masculine. Strength is power. Strength is the ability to take a blow and keep going.
As it turns out, people do tend to partner with people of similar height due to a phenomenon known as assortative mating. However, no one seemed totally happy with their partner’s actual height. Men were most satisfied with women slightly shorter than them (about 3 in.), but women were most satisfied when they were much shorter than their male partners (about 8 in.).
The best thing about this height and power “bit” is height is only a correlation to power. Physical strength and athletic ability are direct correlations and is not dependent on height. Building muscle on a man makes him look more powerful regardless of height.
Your career can also impact some forms of power you display. Chicks do dig money and power.
The last part is the attitude of the man. Most of the Positive Sexual Triggers are masculine, male and definitely display social experience and/or strength. Most of them are also displayed through the attitude of the man.
All of the Negative Sexual Triggers display a form of weakness.
Sexual Triggers Conclusion
This has been a long article, so let’s keep the rest short. If your actions display “strength” you can bet they trigger attraction.
Keep in mind, attraction doesn’t mean she likes it. But are you here to be liked or desired?