I came across this particular Love article, and found it somewhat amusing. The old me would have tried to use some of the advice – with dismal results. Now I chuckle inside.
Let’s dive in and see if there are any nuggets of truth for guys in her writing.
“1. Disregard her womanhood as anything other than a choice of identity, not something that defines her any way she doesn’t decide it does. Realize that she does not have to conform to conventions of feminism if she doesn’t choose to, and learn to accept the gender continuum as being more than just polar.”
Honestly, I haven’t a clue what she really means here. I think she wants you to not see her womanhood as anything other than what “she” wants, which is a dream world Utopia. It seems she wants you to put your reality aside, and see the world through her reality. She probably wants you to buy her a drink too.
Gentlemen, if you go around looking at women and men the same, as in gender neutral, you will never light that fire in her. One of the great lessons I have learned is that life is much easier when you learn the principles, then create your own reality.
“2. Ask for consent before you do anything to her body. Someone recently told me that they ask a woman’s permission before they do anything and I found that overwhelmingly foreign and refreshing and I realized that society’s norms are skewed and generally rooted in the idea that if one wants to touch someone for their own pleasure or purposes, the recipient of that attention will want it.”
She may have found it refreshing, but did she fuck the guy? I am never for forcing a woman to do anything, however as an Alpha you will keep escalating and moving the interaction forward. I personally like to amp-up the sexual attraction to the point they grab me. You must learn to calibrate a girl, and then you will know when to touch, and when not to.
I will also say that a sexually charged woman will touch you faster, more often and in extremely sexual ways – more bold and brazen than any man would. What she is referring to is the man that doesn’t make her feel attraction. That man’s touch feels like a violation of her body and creeps her out.
“3. Completely resign any preconceptions you had about the female form, and what it should or shouldn’t look like. Learn to love her for who she is and how she chooses to care for herself. There is nothing more disturbing to me than someone commenting on a woman’s body, especially someone who is romantically involved with her. Now, I realize that men’s bodies are scrutinized too, but nowhere at the level that women’s are.”
Not a chance in hell on this one. Preconceptions of the female form? You can’t erase millions of years of evolution. Stallions mate with other horses, not elephants. I naturally like hot women. Long hair, clear eyes, .7 hip to waist ration, below a 16% body fat, lean with perky breast. I didn’t really choose to like this shape of girl, it is the evolutionary hard wiring in my brain. This is what most straight guys like.
And she is correct, a woman’s body is scrutinized more than a man’s. However, a man’s character and qualities (Alpha traits) are scrutinized more than a woman’s body. Any good looking, financially stable “Nice guy” who never gets a second date proves this over and over. While this fair princess might wish we were all the same, we are not. No amount of telling men not to be visually focused will work. It’s like trying to tell a woman to remove emotion and just focus on logic – sounds good on paper, but goes against her very genetic makeup.
On more nugget in here, she says, “there is nothing more disturbing to me than someone commenting on a woman’s body, especially someone who is romantically involved with her.” And that may be so to her, but most of the women I know will talk more graphically and with many more details to their girlfriends than any guy I know. If you are having sex with her, and she isn’t telling her friends all of the juicy details, she doesn’t find you of high value.
“4. Learn a few things about feminism, if nothing else, just so you can refrain from making horribly sexist statements. Some of the fiercest feminists I know aren’t even women. Not saying you have to conform to a certain belief system or party, but I do believe that some basic concepts in modern feminism are extremely applicable to modern relationships.”
This is too funny. “Some of the fiercest feminists I know aren’t even women.” That’s probably true, like minded people tend to hang out. Here is a news clue for you though, those guys that act like feminist are doing that so you will see how sweet, in-touch, and NICE they are so you will like them and sleep with them. I blame these guys more than anyone for the downward spiral of ANY civilization.
Personally, I refrain from learning much about feminism. About the only thing I really know is they preach rape culture, which does exist – for men in jail, and they say they want equal rights. I am all for equal rights – you can pay for your own dinner, drinks, movie, boat, car, house, furniture, knick-knacks, and anything else you want that I don’t. If you want to make as much money as I do, better be ready to get a hard math & engineering degree, followed by 20 years of constant risk taking, learning, and 60 hour weeks. So if you want equal rights, you had better be willing to have equal responsibility, punishments and sacrifice. This is not a buffet:
What, no maternity leave – You can keep that.
Hmmm, sex with whoever I want with no shame – I want that.
Girls night out running around town – I will take some of that too.
Going down with the ship – fuck that, you men can have it.
Working 60 hours a week in a hard field – nope you can keep that too.
Hear a noise downstairs and go check it out – I don’t think so – that one is for the guys.
Eek, there is a spider – some man needs to kill it.
That man made a sexist comment – better have two other Law MEN come and teach him a lesson.
Listen guys, if you are an Alpha, and you reek of ubber confidence and sexuality, women will love you for your sexist comments. If you are weak and unsure of yourself, then feminist will pounce on you like a pack of hyenas will rip a 3 legged zebra to shreds.
“5. Never assume she’s into traditional gender roles, or even worse, that she should be. She can be, and you can be as well, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, unless it’s not the lifestyle one wants to live. It’s not that it’s an invalid choice, it’s just that it shouldn’t be the only choice.”
Always assume she is feminine and wants a strong powerful Alpha male. If you demonstrate enough Alpha traits, she will do and be anything you want. Personally, in addition to always assuming that she wants me, I assume she is the type of female I like – feminine and submissive.
And if she gets mad? I don’t know – it has never happened to me that I assumed she was a traditional female and she got mad. But if she does get mad, just look her dead in the eyes with a twinkle in yours, a smirk on your face and say, “Yeah, I said it…” and watch her eyes for that explosion of attraction.
“6. Do not berate, scold or harass her in public (or anywhere, for that matter). There is a way to talk through issues in a respectful manner. You are equals to work things through together, she is not your child to be reprimanded if she’s not doing what you expect.”
Daddy issues anyone? Personally I don’t have many issues with girls anywhere. With that said, if she does something I would give a male friend shit for, then she can count on the same response.
I will tell you early in my dating life, my pregnant wife got mad at me for some comment about a decorating the baby’s room and decided she was walking the 20 miles home. I did everything I could to talk her out of walking, to the point of dragging her a few feet towards the car. It was a huge scene.
Fast forward a few years, and while on a date (you will just have to read my story) this same woman got drunk and said she was walking home. I let her. No fuss, no argument, no pleading. When she finally made it home, much more sober and tired, I simply let her know, “You ever do that to me again, don’t bother ever coming back.” Never had a problem with that again.
“7. Tell her she is loved, reaffirm it, and prove that those words aren’t empty. I think this has universal applicability, but honestly, from my own experience, I’ve seen that women (or those who take on a more feminine role in a relationship) are more apt to express their feelings than men (or those who take on the masculine role) are.”
Never say I love you before the first time she does. Never tell a girl you haven’t slept with you love her. Never tell a girl that is not a very serious lover that you love her. With that, I run about a 50% – 40% – 10% on my responses with a serious girlfriend: 50% are “you too”, 40% are “You should” or “I know” and 10% I tell her I love me. Yes, me. I assume this girl is meaning this in a relationship type of setting, and with those, I am typically playful and unpredictable in my response.
“8. Do not blame her mood or a reaction she has on her menstrual cycle, or brush it off because “girls are crazy.” This is especially applicable if the reaction she is having is to something you did.”
Hey equal rights girl – let’s call a spade a spade. If you are having that time of the month, where hormones are going crazy, and you make a point of telling me, and then you go bat shit crazy over [insert anything here], I am going to call you on your bullshit. I am going to point out you are acting crazy.
And just a little secret, I have stopped dating girls because they were crazy. I have stopped dating girls because they bled more than I liked. I have stopped dating a girl because she got a pimple. I can be whatever I want to be, and me leaving women has never lowered my value – only increased it.
“9. Make sure she respects you in the same ways you do her. I’ve wanted to say this throughout the entire article, but I decided to save the best for last. Give this love to someone who gives it back to you. I directed this as a way to love and respect women because I feel as though they are disrespected at a significantly more intense rate than anybody else. But really, the truth is, these are foundations that have to be mutual.”
You feel women are disrespected more than men?
What about the guy you don’t call or text back because he was just too nice?
What about the guy you accepted a drink from, only to walk over and give it to another man?
What about the guy who asked you to dance, and you asked him, “Why are you talking to me?”
Just the simple fact that a man has to do most of the approaching is enough for me to believe women disrespect men at a much greater rate than men disrespect women.
As for the “Make sure she respects you in the same ways you do her”, that is exactly what being an Alpha does for you. This one line is the ENTIRE reason to learn to be an Alpha.
Another thing about respect is it is earned. If you want to be respected as a powerful business person, you have to be a powerful business person first. If you want me to respect you as a lady, you had actually better be a feminine lady. What me to respect you as a feminist – not going to happen.