No, I really do. I still have bad habits, flaws and areas of potential that I should be working harder to capitalize on, but all in all, I like who I am.
But this wasn’t always so.
Early in my life when I went through my divorce and $8 million dollar bankruptcy, I thought a few times of ending it all.
I couldn’t be honest with myself as to WHY everything happened. Hell, I couldn’t even be honest with myself to ask how I enabled everything to happen.
It was her fault for leaving me.
It was the Dot Com crash that devalued my business.
It was the banks that didn’t want to work with me.
And on and on it went.
At one point I looked in the mirror and just decided enough. I was going to fix this. I had no idea how, but I was going to fix it.
The area that hurt the most was the WHY my wife left me. So I started learning everything I could about attracting women. I became a typical 2003 Pick Up artist that ran in the Double Your Dating, Seduction Science and Mystery Method seminars. I even spoke at a few.
I became fairly good at seducing women, but it still felt try hard. And I destroyed all the pictures of me peacocking in a club. I never did the purple fuzzy hat, but I came close with some of the bizarre clothes I wore.
As I grew, I start learning NLP and seduction patterns. This stuff really fascinated me, so I learned as much in that area as possible. From this, I had a true revelation about energy and how we interact with the world.
Yes, your inner thoughts manifest into energy – through actions, body language, the words you use, voice tone and raw energized power – your Chakras also known as the Chi. Once I accepted this, I began to really work on my energy and limiting beliefs. I could see how my thoughts and internal energy really impacted those I interacted with.
I removed limiting beliefs, I focused on making my weakness stronger while still building on my strengths.
And during these times I became more and more honest with myself. This honesty translated into a lot of people seeing me as bold and confident, which is a byproduct of being able to face yourself and the world with honesty.
To give you an idea of how honesty impacted my game, let’s look at the progression of my approach.
My first approaches were something like “Hi. I am very busy/late at the moment, but you look like someone I would like to get to know. Give me your number and I will call you sometime.” Then just hand them your phone for them to put the number in.”
Nothing magical. For the most part I was nervous and this allowed me to approach, get the number and leave before my “scared” energy would spoil the potential.
As my honesty level grew, I started teasing and qualifying more. I wasn’t just looking for a hookup or a date, I was looking for a girl that meshed with my energy and desired lifestyle. My approaches were more of the Qualify her type approaches. You approach her and ask a few questions that make it look like you are judging her.
But even here it wasn’t really qualifying. I mean, I already thought she was hot or I wouldn’t have approached – and since I wasn’t looking for a relationship the only other two thoughts in my mind were did she have a disease and if she fell for me would she stalk me or try to kill me. I didn’t really care if she likes Scotch or the band or the hipster or whatever else I asked her about.
Now, I am even more into qualifying. This morning I asked the girl at 7-11 if she was bisexual. About 10 words into her ringing up my coffee. She was, now I will introduce her to the girlfriend and see if they hit it off.
Bold – yes.
Confident – over the top.
Honest – brutally.
You see, it’s just one area of my life that I am no longer playing a game in, or trying to use pickup skills to “win” girls. It is my entitlement, my life, and my selfish desire. I didn’t ask her to impress her, or show her how bold I was, or to shock her with a great pattern interrupt – I really wanted to know if she was bi.
The reason I wanted to know if she was bi is because that one life choice influences where this interaction is going. I don’t want to waste my time.
Sure, some people will hear me in public and think I am a super asshole. I tease, I flirt, I play and I say the most bold comments. Most women love it. The men who get offended are usually completely clueless how the mating game is and the women that get offended are not usually very good looking. I think they are more jealous they are not getting that level of attention therefore they must display the “offended” card. I also believe that is why a lot of feminist play the “Men are holding me down” card when in reality it is the lack of social skills or the right male attention that has them so frustrated. I have asked many “self proclaimed feminist” to describe one single time in their life that they didn’t receive equal rights with a man. The only stories they could come up with was an overly nice guy doing too many sweet things OR the guy they wanted to date not wanting to date them.
As for me, even when I have these conversations everything is laced with perfect peace and honesty in me.
It’s not an act, and it is this honesty that attracts people – or repels them – based on their personal reality and how they see the world.
Now, before we get too far, let’s talk about “honesty”. I am not talking about telling everything about yourself, life, thoughts, stories, etc. I am not telling you to not have a filter or explain your every action to anyone that ask. I am talking about internal honesty – about not bullshitting yourself about who you are, what you want and what you are willing to get rid of to get it.
Did you ever think of that? To gain something internal you must remove something internal. You must be willing to pay a price for everything you want. You want to be more confident, you must remove fear. You want to have more intellect, you must be willing to study. You want better social skills, you must be willing to interact. There is always a price. To know what that price is you must be honest with yourself.
And it is this internal honesty that will dictate if you will be seen as an asshole or a nice guy, as a bad boy or as a “friend”, as a lover or as that “creepy guy” that keeps looking at her.
An asshole with this type of internal honesty is the attractive kind. The asshole who is just mean or who uses size or intellect to bully people is the needy kind of asshole who repels most of the population.
So what are the attractive qualities of an asshole?
1) An asshole doesn’t put up with shit and will tell you to stop being a dick or bitch. An asshole is willing to back it up with conflict or remove any relationship with you.
2) By not needing social acceptance an asshole is free to pretty much just be themselves with most people loving them for that freedom. They are almost admired for not needing to follow politically correct rules.
3) Assholes can point out weaknesses in your social mask in a way that doesn’t embarrass you but endears you. We can strengthen you just by being around us and allowing you the freedom to “let your hair down”. If we let you into our conversation or group you are safe as long as you don’t try to give us shit.
4) Assholes tend to get special treatment and invited to all kinds of life events. Because of our carefree attitude and not needing social norms, we add a level of adventure and safety to any group we join. Because of this, we have a full social calendar. It’s why restaurant managers buy us dinner and strippers buy us drinks. We add a level of energy to the interaction that people crave.
5) An asshole has a heart of gold – that is selfishly aligned with what they want. Align yourself with what an asshole wants and you are in for a great relationship. Decide to take another path and an asshole will just continue on their merry way. This is why a girl who embraces an asshole is so in love with him, but if she tries to change him he is “An Asshole” for not doing what she wants or treating her as she demands.
6) Assholes have a way of inspiring women to be feminine, sexy and stay in shape. Since we are honest with ourselves we communicate what we will and will not tolerate. Anyone is free to be whoever they want to be – and if you want to be 200 lbs overweight I will be across the room with the hot 5’2 96 lb. girl.
7) Assholes make decisions. I know what I do and do not want. I don’t need anyone’s approval or permission. In a group, I tend to be the leader – not because I always want to lead, but because I make decisions rather quickly and everyone just follows. This is especially true with women. If they can’t decide in a reasonable time what they are drinking, eating, buying, moving, wearing, etc. I will decide for them.
8) Assholes are self sufficient. I can pretty much do whatever it takes to keep my life moving forward. If I don’t know the answer off the top of my head then I know how to get the answer. If I don’t have the needed skills to solve my problem, I know how to get the resources to hire someone who does have the skills I need.
9) Sex with an asshole is hot. Once again, I know what I want. I will do and say the things that other men won’t even ask women about. I live out my desires and lustful thoughts and I take the girl along for the ride.
10) Assholes have balls. We can conform but typically chose not to.
“I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it’s hell.” ~ Harry Truman
I won’t tell you to go be an asshole, because you will end up as the needy asshole and not the loved asshole. I will encourage you to become brutally honest with yourself. By being more honest with yourself you will see with more clarity – your limiting beliefs, your hang-ups and your desires. Being honest with yourself is not easy, you really have to confront your own ego defense mechanism and this is where you will grow internal confidence. But the more you do become internally honest with yourself the more effortless it becomes to where the thoughts and energy just naturally radiate through you. It is a Zen like state where all of the magic with life and relationships happen. To be honest with ourselves is to accept and love ourselves completely, and with completeness comes freedom. This type of honesty also helps focus our reframes on our limiting beliefs about our reality inside our own mind which keep us from having everything we want in life.