holding-frameHow you view the world and the frame that you see the world in defines your reality. Have you ever wondered why some girls are so quick to judge you? When you are looking around the room and lock eyes with a girl, and then see her frown, or shake her head disapprovingly.

Or how about when you are talking and you instantly feel her vibe change and she gives you some criticism or disapproving comment about your behavior?

Happens to me all the time. Usually when I am discussing some of the rather bad qualities girls have picked up today. This is a wonderful tactic for subtly creating the need for her to qualify herself that “she is not like that.” Sometimes though, the girl tries to shame you into submission. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have been called a “misogynist.” And honestly I like this game, since it gets the girl emotionally charged and I get to demonstrate strength and confidence without doing much.

When a girl gives you a disapproving comment or criticism, she is shit testing you. And you must deal accordingly. How do you deal with it currently? And how did that work out for you? Did you leave the interaction feeling stronger? Did you end up with the girl, either then or later?

If you have approached any women at all, then you know shit test are a huge part of the mating ritual. Most girls don’t consciously test men, it is more of a filter they use to rapidly place you in a box and label you. Fail the shit test = friend or “ick”. Pass the shit test and you are on your way to torrid sex.

To become successful with women, you must learn how to deal with these shit test. Dealing with a shit test appropriately increases the respect and attraction the girl has for you. It can also ignite sexual tension in her. If you try to avoid it, you look weak. If you fail the test you look like you have no experience with women.

Part of learning to deal with disapproval shit test involves defining your frame and how you see the world.

Think about it… you are talking and say you only date girls with long hair, and she disapproves of your comment, saying you are “sexist”, or “that a real woman’s beauty is on the inside”, or anything else that girls say when they don’t approve… what is it she is really not approving of?

It is your frame. Your belief system. frame-control

And if you back down, or change at all you look weak and unworthy. Most guys will do the supplicating compliment… “Well your hair is beautiful” or something along the lines that communicates that he approves of her. No attraction is not going to spark if you go around letting the girl always define the frame.

But if you can demonstrate you are confident, strong, socially sophisticated and that you understand this little dance without displaying any negative emotion, you will look like an attractive man.

So do you want to decide your frame or do you want the girl to decide your frame? Right now, if you are not very good with girls, this is probably a huge part of your problem. You are trying to be nice by living in her frame, not realizing that by subjugating your frame to hers, you are the follower and not the leader.

Instead, why don’t you define who you are? … who YOU want to be?

Through all my struggles with learning how to be the type of man I wanted to be, I learned you must be confident to define your own frame. And when you do, you will be empowering yourself. It increases confidence and displays higher value as well.

As I really got good, I would no longer let her disapproval or her desire to change me have an impact on my behavior. Or my frame.

As an attractive man:

  • You define who you are, not women.
  • You define what you do, not women.
  • You define what you have, not women.
  • Guys who want to avoid a woman’s disapproval, actually seek her approval to compensate for fear of rejection. And in trying not to be rejected, they are almost 100% assured of being rejected. Maybe in a nice way, like “let’s just be friends”. But rest assured if you seek her approval you will be rejected.

Most men let a woman’s disapproval reshape there frame simply because they want to win her, or because they’re afraid of losing her. Their fear outweighs their desire.

So What Do You Do

It is not really about the words, though depending on the comment I will just look her dead in the eye and say, “Yeah, I said it” and let the tension build. First to blink loses.

Using logic, arguing, or bringing out facts and figures will always lose with a woman. No you need to demonstrate that her not accepting your frame is her issue, not yours. She is not accepting you because she wants to change you. When you have this frame, you can maintain an amused mastery of the situation.

And women will always try to change you. If she falls in love with you because of all the women you have in your life, the first thing she wants gone is all of the competition. Her frame will be one of “if you want me you will stop talking to them” when in reality, losing your preselection factor of other women wanting you actually lowers her attraction for you.

Anytime a woman offers you unsolicited advice, she’s trying to change you. Anytime a woman complains about your behavior, she’s trying to change you. And anytime a woman disapproves of you in any way, she’s trying to change you.

Always have the frame that this is her problem. You must subtly communicate that her only choice is to accept you the way you are or lose you. This presents her with a non-verbal ultimatum. She either accepts you, or she leaves. And it is her choice.

When you keep your frame you reveal your strength of character and sense of self without fear. No fear of loss. No desire to please. No desire to prove you are right.

These means you dictate the role you will play in her life. She can choose to accept that role, or leave it. The opportunity is hers.

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but this actually displays many of the qualities that she is programmed by nature to desire in a sexual man.


Real Life Example Of Holding Frame

She is 21, I am 40. She was about 5’4, 105 lbs, long black hair with sparkling green eyes. She was a stripper for a while, but now worked for a friend as a mortgage agent.

I was flirting with her a bit, and she got an annoyed look on her face. In the middle of the conversation (and out of context):

Her: “Ewww, you are too old.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Her: “You are too old for me. I would never date an older man.”

Me: “You are programmed to WANT an older man. It is in your DNA.”

Her: “No! I have never had attraction for older men!”

Me: Locked eyes with her, let the tension build, ran my hand up into her hair to the back of her head and tugged very sexually.

Her: Her eyes sparkled and I felt her shiver just a bit. She obviously had fuck me eyes.

Me: “That’s what I thought.”

I slept with her that evening.

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  1. Daiki on June 15, 2013

    Damn. I’m going to try that hair tugging thing.

  2. maillot de foot on June 26, 2013

    Its such as you read my thoughts! You appear to understand so much about this, like you wrote the guide in it or something. I think that you just can do with a few p.c. to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, that is excellent blog. A great read. I’ll certainly be back.

  3. Andera Hohenberger on July 22, 2013

    Thanks Mark, glad you identified it useful. 🙂