A month ago, five friends and I decided to go out and meet some people. We intended to relax and have fun, and all of us knew that we wanted to meet some girls as well. Our first few places we visited, I noticed their stares at the opposite sex without any approaches or conversations. After an hour or so, it became obvious to me that we all were “hoping” that something would happen. Whether we wanted to admit it or not, we weren’t taking action to succeed. At that realization, I acted and approached a few girls without it leading to any success because I didn’t find their conversation interesting, though later, I introduced the girls to my friend, who I sensed would enjoy their company more than I would. After that approach, I approached a few others, getting a few high fives from friends of mine, yet they took no action themselves and wandered around as if they hoped something would fall into their lap. At the end of the evening, I finished approaching five sets in the limited time I gave myself (I’ll explain this later).
While reflecting upon the evening, I recalled a story AlphaX shared with me:
AlphaX hung out with a company of guys who all wanted to improve their dating life, yet when they visited a restaurant, they all hung out together, while AlphaX went and approached girls. Don’t get me wrong: AlphaX is great with women and when he told this story, I felt intimidated because my immediate reaction, “Well, yeah, but you’re good with girls.” However, he said something I’ll never forget when talking about this evening: at the time, he wasn’t that good with girls, but he knew exactly what he wanted to do and what area of his life he needed improvement on. And he acted on it. And at the end of the evening, he walked away learning something instead of remaining within the strangling arms of comfort.
Fast forward to a month ago. What was I there for? Partially to hang out, and I was doing that (heck, I introduced my friend to a few cute girls and helped him build rapport with them to where he could have run with it). But I also went out to meet some girls. And I did. But I didn’t meet girls by telling myself things that weren’t true, but by honestly assessing what I was doing. Like AlphaX had mentioned with his group, if these guys wanted to improve their dating, they should have made the approaches instead of staying in their comfort zones among their friends.
AlphaX: This was a time I was at a Double Your Dating convention where they were filming the second version of “Advanced Dating Techniques”. I was not a speaker here, nor was I a “paying student” I had been invited to go because of my DYD “Interview with Dating Guru’s” CD and some of my past field work. I was invited, rather last minute, out with some of the “big names” of the time as they took a bus full of students out. I will not name names, but most of these guys are still in the dating arena teaching, and I do enjoy their views and tips. If you have ever read the book “The Game” then you have heard of at least half of them.
The first stop was a Chili’s I believe for us to have a dinner before hitting a local bar. When we walked in, everyone noticed the 2 very attractive girls at the bar (the place was dead). Both were early 20’s, long hair, one blonde, one brunette, both about 5’6, 110-120 lb.
When we sat down, you could feel the tension as 5-6 teachers, plus 20 students looked at each other to decide what to do.
I lived by the 3 second rule. I waited a moment to give the teacher a chance to demonstrate, or to tell a student to approach. Never happened. So I got up and went over. I wasn’t doing it to show off, or pick them up. I went because I had been training myself to interact in every social situation, and the blonde was really cute.
I have no idea what I said. I am sure I started with a Cock & Funny opening. I ordered a drink and talked to the girls for about 15 minutes. Right till it was my time to order.
Back at my table, I was asked 20 questions about the girls. I just went, chatted, flirted, got her number and left. No big deal to me.
The best part was about 5 hours later when we went by our 3rd bar. There were 7-8 teacher, 30+ students and we were all in a party bus. When we walked in I saw the same blonde from earlier. She invited me to play pool, and we ended up making out within about 15 minutes.
I didn’t mean for that to happen, but I have found that approaching and interacting means more than “picking up the girl and instantly banging her”.
How can we prevent ourselves from doing this? A few helpful tips that I’ve learned from experience, and also through speaking with AlphaX:
1. Set a strict time limit. Remember the limited time I mentioned? If I give myself ten hours to “hang out,” my mind’s natural tendency is to procrastinate. It will think, “Hell, I can approach in the last hour.” Instead, I tell myself, “I have one hour and I want to make at least five approaches.” This helps to create a sense of urgency, and a sense of urgency is tied to success, whether that success is money, business or dating. If you want to do something, give yourself very little to do it and you will. And if you’re having fun, you can always stay.
AlphaX: I am so glad you brought this up. I would set a time limit at the very beginning. Say 5 girls in the first hour. Once you have opened 5 and gotten that vibe and confidence rolling, you will naturally be more inclined to bring people into your social interactions.
2. Self-honesty. I enjoy speaking with AlphaX because he’s honest with himself. He’s not afraid to dress himself down if he needs to, or analyze his own past behavior. We can’t act if we don’t learn to actually assess our situation. “I want to meet people.” Can I really say this if I’m standing in a corner and holding beer? “I want to make more money.” Can I really say this if I’m not working a second job or working on a side project? Look, we can say ANYTHING, but until we do it, it’s just vocal noise.
AlphaX: This is a big one of mine. Being Alpha doesn’t mean always being right, or evening wining. It typically means I bed more and hotter women than most men, while also achieving a degree of leadership and financial success. However, every interaction can be improved on.
3. Find pride in initiation. So I met a few attractive girls who didn’t interest me. It would be easy to think, “Well I initiated and failed” but instead, realizing that these girls would like my friend, I initiated that. No long term successful company tries to screw its shareholders over; passing earnings to the shareholders in the form of growth or dividends demonstrates an example that if we’re not “feeling it” with someone (or someone’s), someone else might. Connect them. Initiation builds confidence because you can look at the social connection and think, “I started that.” In working with AlphaX, he did that even when he didn’t “get” something out of situations – he initiated and connected.
AlphaX: This is like the story from earlier with the DYD group. My first thought was to open the girls and see what they were like. I liked the blonde so I got her number to see where things went later. I happened to run into her again that night and that led to us becoming intimate. I don’t typically start an interaction with people because I want something from them, more I want to see how, if at all, they fit in my life.
These are fantastic observations, and the foundation for anyone learning to become Alpha. Good job.