It happens to everyone. Rejection. You approach a girl and are immediately shut down. Maybe from having a conversation or getting her number, maybe from even being near her. There is no way of knowing exactly why you got turned down. She may be having a horrible day – her favorite cat died, she was just fired from work, or she just landed in some financial crisis. She may really be in love with a guy, and be completely shut off from even chancing a brief social interaction with a different man. Or maybe, you just didn’t present yourself in a way that interrupted her normal patterns.
In my experience there are 3 main reasons you will be rejected during the initial approach.
1) Your Vibe Lacks Confidence.
Confidence is the foundation all skills are based off of. Success in business, school, sports and seduction all come down to confidence. Knowing you can do something versus hoping you can do something. Or even worse, believing you can’t. When you approach a girl, regardless of the setting, you must have unshakeable confidence. Your body language, eyes and voice must all project the persona of a powerful, sexual male.
Two men can say the exact opening line, be dressed alike, have similar looks and physical features, and the man with no confidence will likely be rejected before the interaction even starts.
Have you ever started an interaction with someone, say a random person who knocks on your door, and while they don’t come right out and tell you, you can feel what the interaction is about? Assume it is a door-to-door sales call. When you talk to them a moment, can you feel how confident they are or are not? Can you feel what they want from you?
This is exactly how a woman can just “feel” your vibe, and she will make a rapid subconscious assessment about your confidence and ability to spark attraction. If you approach with weak body language, submissive eye contact, and the standard “Excuse me, I just had to tell you how beautiful you are” with a shaky voice, you are not going to elicit any primal attraction factors in her. She may be nice, say “thank you” and turn to her friends, or she may be a rude girl who enjoys damaging the egos of men with a snarky, “Why are you talking to me?” Either way, your interaction is over.
Try using a more erect body language. Lift your chest slightly and broaden your stance and shoulders. Hold yourself with pride. When you approach, hold her eye contact (especially on the initial approach), and speak in a slower, deeper voice.
The proud body language communicates self-esteem.
Holding eye contact communicates dominance and creates tension.
The slower voice relays self-control while the deeper voice radiates masculinity.
All of these components help spark the initial moments of attraction. Now, what you say can influence the direction of the conversation, but I have approached like this and simply asked to borrow something in her vicinity and had my confidence still spark a little attraction in her. To where she begins to make small chit-chat. Personally, I prefer a more bold approach with a qualifier. Either way, try mimicking these confidence indicators and watch how her disposition toward you improves.
Many men believe they have to get a girl to like them before she will choose to be sexual with him. The truth is, if you elicit powerful sexual feelings in her, even while in an argument or the approach, you can still have her.
I remember going to a friend’s wedding (yes I sincerely tried to talk him out of it – she was older, had a step daughter, and treated him very poorly). The first night I was there we had a rehearsal followed by a large dinner. I noticed fairly fast I was not a popular man. Being who I am, I continued to flirt with those I wanted and present myself as a sexual man. I have always believed what others think of me is none of my business.
Later that evening a few of the girls told me what the situation was. My friend, the one getting married, had bragged and complained about my abilities with women. He told his fiancée, who then told all of her friends, that I was a player, womanizer, seducer, etc. The girls were all warned off about me.
Rather than try to defend myself, or even justify, I simply chuckled a bit and told these girls, “Yes, you had better watch yourself around me. I am a dangerous man and if you value your virtue, I would never be alone with me… It’s a curse.” I of course said this half jokingly, but with a little edge in my voice.
Without any more effort on my part, one of the hottest girls approached me later and told me “she just couldn’t help herself. She hated what I stood for, but there was something about me she was attracted to.”
I simply hold eye contact with a slight smirk on my face, “I know.”
Yes, I had her the night of the wedding. With her telling me how much she didn’t like my attitude, yet later asking if she could come to my room. And while we were in there, my buddies now stepdaughter also stopped by my room. She left disappointed though.
The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Hate still has negative connotations, but hate is typically rooted in deep emotional feelings of anger or hurt. I do not recommend you try to invoke hate or anger type feelings in her, but if you do and you feel her not liking you immediately, you still have a great shot. Just as long as she had some emotional feelings about you coupled with extreme confidence. I have to preference that: Emotional feelings about you being weak is almost as bad as indifference. Maybe worse. But if she thinks you are too bold, too cocky, to whatever else, this can work in your favor.
Even men who have the confidence to approach and start talking to a female typically play the interaction safe. They may use one of the many Cocky & Funny lines aimed at showing confidence, but they will likely be too scared or at a loss of how to drive the interaction to elicit a strong emotional connection or a powerful sexual state. Women do not typically go through a logical process when evaluating a man – especially at the beginning of the interaction. They go by their feelings.
Do you understand what I mean by logical process? Most girls have a preconceived checklist a guy must have before he will be considered for a date. If you have read any woman’s online dating profile you will understand what I mean:
- Must have a good job.
- Must like cats.
- Must be at lest 6 foot tall.
- Must be athletic.
- Must have a full head of hair.
- Must have a good sense of humor.
- Must not be older than X or younger than Y.
You get the ideal. And while there may be some real mental programming on a few of these, most, if not all of them, get tossed right out the window when she meets a man that sparks attraction in her and elicits sexual tension and emotions with her.
The interaction is all about HER feelings. No matter how hot you think she is, or how bad you want her, this does nothing to her (well, depending on how it is presented it could turn her off). If you learn to create attraction with sexual tension, you will blow right past the mental checklist. I have had 100’s of girls tell me I was too old, too short, too bald, too mean, etc. who all ended up sleeping with me.
So allow her to feel your sexuality and let the interaction create tension.
Here is one of my favorite Tension Builders that is powerful, but easy to use.
I tend to travel a lot. Whether it is business, or just checking out new places on the bike, I am in a lot of bars, taverns and restaurants. Usually with a group, but sometimes alone.
So the waitress will come over to take our drink order. I tend to direct her to get everyone else first. I then order my drink (doesn’t matter what it is). As she turns to leave I tell her, “And hurry up.”
All women will immediately turn to look at you. This is a pattern interrupt, and their conscious and subconscious have literally had the internal communication disrupted. She will look to see if I said that to her, and why? We usually have very strong eye contact and you can feel the tension build. She is not sure if you are an Asshole who is mean and rude, or if you are an Asshole that is playing and teasing. I let the tension build for a moment, then I will usually say, “You heard me”, with a twinkle in my eyes and a wink. This allows the tension to drop a bit, but not all the way.
When she returns with the drinks, no matter how fast it is, I tell her, “Took you long enough – didn’t I tell you to hurry up.” You get the same type of response as before or she may “act” offended – you know, giving that “I can’t believe you are treating me this way.” In a flirty manner I look her in the eyes and say, “Yeah, I said it.” And just let the tension build.
I never apologize for this. If she truly gets offended, I let it go and we are done flirting. However, that rarely happens. Usually they start playing back. Giving me my food last, or teasing me about the speed. And we have a little role play of me telling them, “I need to see the manager, I just can’t believe the service in this place.”
Many of my friends don’t understand how this works so well or the amount of girls that like playing with me. They see this as me saying rude comments and they tend to apologize to the girl for my “asshole-ish behavior”. And I am an asshole, but in a manner that communicates confidence, boldness and elicits attraction and sexual tension in her mind.
It’s not the words, but the feelings she has about the interaction. To minimize any rejection, you have to elicit a strong emotional connection and elicit sexual tension.
3) You Just Don’t Fit Her Archetype.
I am 42. I haven’t been with a girl over the age of 23 in several years. The oldest I have been with over the last 10 years was the ex-wife and she was 31 at our seperation. I know, statistically, 40% of young girls have a strong attraction to older men. They are just built that way. (BTW notice my frame – I know almost half of all young girls are going to be attracted to me because of my age – not in spite of it.)
But that leaves a 60% chance the girl I am approaching is either indifferent, or doesn’t like older men. I have had a few indifferent girls come my way, but only a very small amount of girls that truly didn’t like older men were ever mine. No matter how many dominate, powerful, or sexual traits I displayed, there just wasn’t any way to elicit attraction and sexual tension.
I know this has also been the case with my height, bald head, large nose or some other physical trait. I know my view of religion, politics, feminism or some other life choice has kept me from having a girl. Even my race kept me from having a very religious Indian girl. Sometimes, you are just not the right guy.
This is also true in reverse. No matter what a girl offers, has or says, if she is even a hint bigger than I like, she doesn’t stand a chance.
My advice when this happens is to continue to flirt. Continue to hone your communication skills. Continue to play. When you find yourself in this situation, tell her, “That’s ok. We will just be friends… and as my friend you are going to introduce me to all of your hot, sexy girlfriends… Right?”