One of my fundamental beliefs as to why the average guy has such a hard time becoming good with women is because he sees women as they want him to, and not for how they truly are. The average man’s belief system is shaped by media, advertising, political agendas and reading a lot of misinformation that may sound good, but is completely wrong in normal interaction (for example – just tell her how you feel).
Before I go too far, I do not hate women (misogyny) at all. I am also very wise to the strategy and tactics girls will take to protect their Id and the view the world has of them. Talk about a general concept of women’s flaws and all of a sudden I am accused of having a small penis. Shamming tactics are usually first, followed by outright insults, then threats or crying. It rather amuses me, oh how I do relish emotional connections.
As I have removed these limiting or false beliefs from my mental programming, I have automatically grown in confidence and success with females. I also lost all approach anxiety. They just aren’t as special as I use to build them up to be in my mind. This is what I call “Removing Them From The Pedestal”. This is mostly for your internal belief systems, but knowing these truths will allow you to neg or connect with her exactly where she needs it – and that can be different for each girl.
MYTH: Women want to be loved and treated well. If you love her, accept her and give your all to her then she will love you and treat you well.
TRUTH: Women do want to be loved and treated well, but there is a caveat they won’t tell you (because most of them don’t logically know). First, if they don’t feel attraction and sexual tension for you (feelings), then your love will likely grate them like sand inside a sleeping blanket. More than being nice or love or anything else it is your ability to create sexual feelings in her, without allowing yourself to be owned by your own sexual feelings.
If you don’t love her, don’t treat her well, and still create those powerful sexual attraction feelings in her she will still treat you well and still love you. Believe me, I have had more than my share of stalkers that I couldn’t get rid of not matter how “not nice” I was.
TRUTH: Women are out for status and fun or for security, depending upon their age and place in life. There are gold-diggers out there, but if you know even a little of the dating game, they are easy to spot. That is also why I built my system around not using money. At the time I didn’t have any!
Seriously though, women are more interested in status (high value), and a cool guy who makes her feel sexual tension, that is liked by her friends (or not liked cause they feel sexual too) who is also perceived as having financial potential is enough for her. Her main goal is to feel – and status makes her feel important. Money can be important, but only as it relates to how she feels.
MYTH: Women care about your looks as much as you care about hers.
TRUTH: Women appreciate looks. Tall frame, lean waist, broad shoulders and tight muscles all have her interested… right till you open your mouth. I have seen more than one pretty-boy model go down in flames after he opened his mouth. On the other hand, I don’t have the looks to turn most young girls heads. But I have the confidence, personality and knowledge to light a fire in her. And as I do, I become more attractive.
All of my girlfriends refer to me as hot. The average guy seeing me would probably not rate me above a 6… maybe a 7 with my build. But I am bald, grey facial hair, big nose that has been broken at least a dozen times, wicked scar on the back of my head and I am short. The only feature there that might possibly be on a girls check list is the bald head – thank you Vin Diesel.
Your attitude comes from your values and your belief system. All the reasons you can’t are in your mind. If you learn to connect with a girl and ignite attraction in her, then nothing else really matters. Especially not looks. The way you look to a woman is defined by how you make her feel and she is hard wired to look for masculine traits above all else.
MYTH: Girls cheat less than men so you can trust them more.
TRUTH: The latest studies report men cheat 3% more than women. This doesn’t take into account the bio-mechanical facts about the sexes. Men exaggerate their sexual exploits (on average) while women down play their sexual exploits (think: Tommy didn’t count because I was drunk). My experience has taught me that men are actually less likely to cheat. Men (on the average) are more loyal since it is something we truly value. I haven’t changed razor brands in 15 years. Most girls I know can’t even pick one conditioner.
Still, I know that understanding her values, using a few seduction patterns and creating logistics that add stealth and ease will foster most women to cheat with a man like me, and they will do so then rationalize it away in a manner so as to remove all guilt or blame. How do I know this? Cause I know of over 200 girls that have cheated on there boyfriends, husbands or lovers just to be with me. And well over 80% of my life total had boyfriends they were in an active relationship with when they met me.
So if you are the type of guy that can ignite sexual attraction, then give her a plausible excuse with easy logistics, she is likely to cheat with you. And even if you are the Alpha man in your day to day life, your girlfriend may still cheat on you in certain circumstances. If she travels away from you where the odds are extremely low that you could ever find out, her friends or family are not around and a guy makes her feel sexual attraction, odds are better than 50% she will cheat on you.
MYTH: There is one girl out there for me – my soul mate.
TRUTH: This is the biggest bullshit female fantasy ever cranked out by the Disney culture. Look at it this way, only one person has to convince one other person they are “soul-mates” when they aren’t and the whole systems goes to hell. Anyone can look at the divorce rates and know this is bullshit. I have had girls tell me they love me, on more than one occasion mind you, that ended up pregnant or living with a different man within 2 weeks of their confessed love to me. A couple of girls have tried to tell me they love me and that the baby was mine… right up till they learned about the vasectomy.
Look, I believe in love, but it is a feeling not a thing. Like respect it is earned and developed through facing good and bad times together. I also know there are degrees of love, though I have never stopped to try and figure them out. I know my love for my son is different than my love for my parents. I know my love for one of my best friends is different than just one of my friends. I know there are several women I have loved that I still look back on with fond memories, while others I loved I can barely remember what they looked like.
There isn’t just one out there for you. Your life, your happiness and the enjoyment you have with a member of the opposite sex is somewhat in your control If she isn’t bringing joy in your life on a consistent basis – fire her. That’s why it’s called dating.
MYTH: I should share my feelings and problems with my girlfriend / fiancée / wife.
TRUTH: Nobody really gives a shit about your problems or your feelings. Nobody besides you really ever will. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the reality of being a man. If you go around sharing your problems with women, they are going to look at you as a pussy and not want to be around you – let alone be attracted to you. I know, girls are going to say I am wrong… hmmm let me think about that. Every time I ever opened up and shared my feelings and problems with a girl in a relationship, the relationship ended quickly. Hell, that’s probably my fault. What about this? Ever notice that most women don’t have many close female friends? Want to know why? They are always sharing their problems and feelings with each other. And if you do meet a girl that has a lot of female friends, then she knows one little secret….
You only share positive feelings (for the most part) and you rarely share problems. As a man, when dealing with women, you need to follow suit. Don’t expect a woman to coddle you, hold you and wipe the tears out of your eyes as you talk about your feelings. It just won’t happen.
And as for your problems? Hell most women won’t even understand your problems. If you are in business your problems revolve around efficiency, profitability, service, cost, revenues and the like. Start discussing that with any attractive female and her eyes are going to glaze over like she was in a sugar induced coma. A woman’s problems typically revolve around things I don’t even notice as problems, yet they still expect us to listen to. So listen, but don’t reciprocate.
MYTH: My life would have meaning with the right girl.
TRUTH: Trying to maintain a relationship with a woman in today’s feminist, man bashing and social media connected world will suck the MEANING right out of your life. A relationship with a woman should be based on mutually reciprocated interaction. And I don’t mean you get sex and she gets stuff, that is more the definition of the oldest profession.
Men and women just don’t see relationships the same way. Men, you typically get into a relationship to lockdown a girl because you think she is the best you can do OR you think she has earned it by all the time she has put in. Women think you should be in a relationship because they are biologically driven to be in a relationship and produce offspring. It’s in our DNA and our biological mating strategies. Go read about why men produce millions of sperm and only half are for fertilization (the other half are to destroy a competing mans sperm).
Your life should have meaning outside of what another person can do for you. I love studying, learning and teaching human behavior and dating strategies. But you know what I love more than all of those? Dating. Actually going into the world and interacting with people – not just hot girls. And you know what I love even more than that? Business! Creating wealth and generating new ideas.
Your life has to have meaning that you decide and that is only about you. You can choose whatever you want. But if you think anyone, man or woman, is going to add meaning to your life you are going to find yourself very disappointed. Meaning to your life is more associated to the values you assign in your life than the person in your life. If you make it a person, you will likely smother her, scare her off and then ‘perceive’ you have destroyed your life. Not good at all.
As I have truly learned how all of this works, I take a much different approach to relationships. I enjoy relationships, and I enjoy being single. They both have their pro’s and con’s. The truth is, if you have a lot of dating options, and you really aren’t all that worried about getting laid (as in you get laid as much as you like) then you really won’t want to be in a relationship. Oh, and this will make the women want you more.
MYTH: If I treat a woman well and listen to what she says she won’t need to complain or shit test me.
TRUTH: Woman complain in part as a test of your manhood (like almost everything else they do around you). The more you allow her to complain to you, the weaker you look. I am not saying there isn’t a time to really listen to her complaints, but for the most part men don’t care about the little things she complains about. I swear, if I let her, every other day I would get to hear about my girls split ends.
The nicer you are about letting her complain and trying to be understanding the more she will complain and the less she will respect you. Hell of a payment for trying to be a nice guy and yet another reason why nice guys get so frustrated. I have also noticed, if I tell them to “stop telling me about [X]” or “save that for your girlfriends” they tend to be happier around me. The easiest part here is to just not let her discuss certain subjects around you or to complain. Just tell her that “around you is a barrier of fun and adventure” and to keep everything else for her other friends.
TRUTH: “The study [Journal of Men’s Studies, Dr George], which challenges the long-standing view that women are overwhelmingly the victims of aggression, is based on an analysis of 34,000 men and women by a British academic. Women lash out more frequently than their husbands or boyfriends, concludes John Archer, professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire and president of the International Society for Research on Aggression.”
“Male violence remains a more serious phenomenon: men proved more likely than women to injure their partners. Female aggression tends to involve pushing, slapping and hurling objects. Yet men made up nearly 40 per cent of the victims in the cases that he studied – a figure much higher than previously reported.”
“Professor Archer analysed data from 82 US and UK studies on relationship violence, dating back to 1972. He also looked at 17 studies based on victim reports from 1,140 men and women. Speaking last night, he said that female aggression was greater in westernised women because they were “economically emancipated” and therefore not afraid of ending a relationship.”
“… figures from the WA Department for Child Protection show substantiated cases of child sexual abuse against fathers still far outnumber those against mothers.”
“The data shows that parents were the perpetrators in almost 39 per cent of the 1505 substantiated cases of child abuse in 2007-08. Of the 582 cases of abuse by parents, mothers were responsible for 73 per cent, while fathers committed 27 per cent.”
Decided to break out some research on this one. I have spent the last 24 years of my life going on adventures. I have dated many women, and been in more than one bar room brawl. Women are more violent than men, they just tend to display it differently. I have either seen or been the receiver of a woman screaming, spitting, slapping, punching, kicking, clawing, swinging an object or throwing said object hundreds of times. And when a woman doesn’t decide to stand up and do these things, she will create a scene that will enable the men around her to do it for her.
Let me explain. If she becomes aggressive, then decides she can’t over power you, she may still get those other men around her to do the dirty work. I have seen a woman get drunk, decide her man and the waitress were too friendly, stand up in a crowded room and start screaming at said man. He calmly tried to pay the bill and leave. This enraged her more. She grabbed a drink and threw it in his face, to which he got extremely mad, but only turned, grabbed a towel and dried his face. She then jumped on his back and clawed at his face. His response was to shrug her off rather forcefully. She stumbled back and fell. In the middle of the floor she started to cry, loudly sobbing that he had cheated on her. Two men confronted her boyfriend and attempted to kick his ass.
I, myself, have stood before a judge explaining why my wife claimed I abused her. She got mad and punched me in the face. On the second punch, I grabbed her arms and restrained her till she stopped trying to hit me. She then called 911, and the police arrived. In court, she had pictures of her “red” arms where I had grabbed her. I had a busted lip and two cops that, thankfully, testified on my side. Because I was 100 pounds bigger, had years of martial arts training and she was the woman, I still had to listen to the judge tell me there must be a better way to handle myself? Really? What? And what did he say to the female who started the whole thing…”crickets”. So began divorce #1.
Anyway, just know a woman is as violent as a man. Since they are weaker and more protected by law and “white knights” they tend to display their own brand of violence more often. Many times they get away with absolutely no punishment for these violent acts.
TRUTH: This one took me a long time to learn and reframe in my mind. Science claims this fact based on men’s increased testosterone level which is typically 10 times higher than a woman. The truth is, the sexes usually both want sex the same amount, but the drivers of feeling that lust are different.
Men are built to be visual. Our sex drive is driven by genetic markers in a woman: big, bright eyes, long hair, perky breast, slender build with a .7 hip to waist ratio. Sure she can give you “fuck me eyes” or flirt with you a little more and you may be turned on, but if she is someone you find repulsive, then “fuck me eyes” will only repulse you more.
Women, are driven by feelings. How you look can make her “feel” for you, but more likely your actions, body language and the general frame you have will make her “feel” more for you. The more masculine and Alpha you are, while creating sexual tension, the more she will want to fuck you. As I have learned to project a masculine attitude while creating sexual tension, the better my sex life. For the most part, my girls initiate more often than I do. If they feel sexual they will want to fuck you all the time.
It is true men will typically lower their standards for a one night stand. Just to have the physical pleasure without the emotional connection. Women can do this, but it is rarer. Instead she tends to wait for that man that makes her feel attraction and sexual tension, then fuck him repeatedly. If she doesn’t get the emotional connection afterwards she will either try to justify it through alcohol or drugs, the guys problems (he lacks emotional maturity), or it’s time to claim false rape.
MYTH: Women are more skilled at seduction and relationships.
TRUTH: Make a woman feel incredible amounts of sexual tension and attraction, and she will likely turn into a stalker. I know, I have had several. Girls that broke in my house, plotted to get me back, called 100 times a week or even sent nude pictures of themselves to my new girlfriend.
I use to believe women were better at choosing a mate, or picking up men. Most women simply don’t have the balls to walk up to a guy and ask him out. Instead, they will try all kinds of subtle tactics to get the guy to notice them. They will walk by him, or stand closer to him in a social setting. They will drop something nearby, or find an innocent question to ask. They actually fear direct rejection more than men, since they seldom have to develop this side of their personality.
Sure, some beautiful women can say they seduce men, simply by showing up. That’s back to the bio-mechanics of how men and women are built. And these women usually have an ulterior motive such as money or revenge, so they look at the man as lower on the sexual market place scale thereby increasing her own confidence.
This also goes for relationships. Most women have no idea how to have a fight or have an argument. In the heat of the moment, they don’t care if the relationship lasts, nor do they think about the kids/family/neighbors, or anything else. They simply want to prove why they are right and why you are wrong. Most men (including the old me) would do anything to calm the storm and pacify the wrath of the woman. Whatever a woman feels in the moment IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE THINKS IS RIGHT. Not what is right, but what she thinks is right. Men tend to see a little further down the road and will fight accordingly. When I was in an argument with my ex-wife, I would look to solve the problem while she tried to find ways to damage my soul.
The good news about this? Make her feel the right feelings and she will do anything you want. Make her feel the wrong feelings and all hell breaks loose.
MYTH: Men lie more than women.
TRUTH: As George Costanza once said on “Seinfeld”, “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” And this is the frame she comes from. When she tells you she loves you, she means it. 1 hour later when she says she hates you, she means it. 4 hours later when she is sleeping with a new guy telling him how good he is, she means it. After she cheats on you and says she didn’t mean it, she means it. When she gives her number out and says call, but she doesn’t respond, she still means it. Women lie all the time, in many different ways. They wear a lot of makeup, hair extension, fake breast, push up bra’s, high heels, slenderizing jeans, fake eyelashes and other plastic surgery features. She rationalizes these by saying it is for her [self-esteem] or to look more attractive, but technically it is a lie. In the morning, she likely won’t look the same.
And it is the same with lie’s of omission. When she forgets to tell you about her boyfriend or husband… Both sexes lie, but men tend to be worse at it, so they tend to do it less. Women are very skilled at the subtle art of misdirection (which is why when you have logically dis-proven a girls reason for being mad at you she has to go back months, sometimes years to grab another reason to continue her “justified anger”). Just know these dynamics and take everything she says with a grain of salt. In the moment, if she feels that way, then it is the truth to her.