We had spent an hour laughing, joking and getting to know each other at the party. She was new to the area and had come with a girl from her neighborhood that she had just met. I was fairly new as well and we really hit it off.
She was about 5’6, 110 lb with long brown hair, dark brown eyes and small perky breast. This was my kind of girl.
We sort of bumped into each other in the kitchen as we were both getting drinks. I said “hello” that she returned with a bright smile, then I asked who she knew at the party. From there we had the normal chit-chat. After a few minutes she mentioned she liked the band that was playing in the background and could play part of the song. I was a guitarist, so I began talking about music and the gigs I had played. Nothing famous, but talking about playing a few local bars I had seemed to catch her interest.
Everything in the interaction seemed to be going well. We seemed to get along perfectly. I honestly thought I had met my next girlfriend, and I was fairly certain she was going to sleep with me that evening.
After an hour, she excused herself to go to the restroom. I decided it was time for another drink and to check in with my friends. The party was in full blown drink mode, and it took a bit to find them. I bragged on the new girl I met, while they gave me shit for talking with her for so long while excluding everything else.
After a few minutes, I headed back into the house to pick back up where we left off.
She wasn’t in “our spot” so I sat down to wait. After about 20 minutes, I decided I must have missed her and started looking for her. Went by the bath room, she wasn’t there. Circled through the kitchen to see if she went for a drink, not there either. After a trip through the house I decided she must be outside.
It didn’t take long to circle through the main groups. It was as if she vanished. I could feel the sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t have been wrong about us, could I? Our conversation was about common interest and we seemed to get along.
It was pitch black outside save for the back porch light. I decided to check the front of the house, and as I started around the side of the house, I caught a glimpse of motion. As I circled the rather large evergreen tree I saw her. Face pushed up against the wall, skirt around her ankles, with a man I knew taking her. He was a thug, no job, short, drug using asshole.
She looked at me and our eyes locked for a moment. I could see pity in the glint of her eyes and as I felt rage and shame build in me. I said “sorry” and walked away.
Fast forward a decade and a lot of life lessons.
I am headed out with some new friends, all 10 years younger than me. I have known one of the guys for years as our kids play jr. football together, but had never met his other friends. They invite me to a rather preppy club. Most of the guys wore expensive and trendy button down dress shirts with either Dockers, dress pants or nice jeans and sharp dress shoes. I decided to just wear what I wore on the bike all day – ripped up jeans, heavy, scuffed black leather boots, a tight t-shirt and a black leather jacket.
When we enter to club I stop at the entrance and slowly size up the people in my line of sight. All of the guys move quickly to get a beer while I stroll around the entire bar. As I make eye contact with women, I size them up. It’s fairly easy to see who is out to meet a man, and who is out to keep their friends from meeting a man. As I see one blond with a gorgeous face and a hot body I lock eyes with her. She looks down and away, a perfect sign she felt that small little tingle from my sexual gaze.
She mocks being shocked for a moment then ask, “How did you know?”
“From the way you move.”
We share about two minutes of small talk and then I tell her I am going to find my friends.
I join the guys at the table – they are already a beer and shot in as they start to muster the liquid courage they need to start approaching women. All of the guys are sitting at the table, slightly hunched over and leaning into their beer.
I grab a second chair, set it to the side of the table and throw one leg one it. I am leaned back in my seat, one arm slung over the corner with my crotch exposed to the world. I am the very picture of threatening sexuality, the bad boy the men hate and the women… what the women feel is a lot more complex than hate, lust, desire or fear. Yet with sexual tension and attraction, it is all of these and more.
My body language, style of dress and the attitude of power all radiate an obvious and effective signal to all women in the area: “I am a dangerous man for you to be alone with. I am sexual and powerful. My masculinity wants to devour your femininity. “
Several girls stop by the table to chit-chat with us. All of the guys compliment the hottest of the girls… I am bored. One of the girls ask, “What I think?” My response said slow and low, “I am not here to think.” I let the tension build for a moment and soften the comment with a slight wink.
“What are you here for?” she coyly ask.
“I’ll never tell, least not while the lights are on.” I see it in her eyes – that spark of attraction.
The guys assure her I am safe but are looking at me like I am a bit of an asshole. They think I might scare her off with my sexually laced comments.
As the guys down liquid courage, they began to swarm around the room meeting girls. They dance, compliment, tell jokes and basically do what the average late 20’s something guy (like I was) do.
Out of the corner of my eye I catch the blond from earlier watching me. I motion for her to sit, which she promptly does. We have a few minutes of small talk then she mentions she needs a drink. I inform her I do too, she can get me a scotch. With this she smiles and starts heading to the bar. I yell after her “hurry up!” She looks back at me with that fake indignation again, I just smile and tell her, “Yeah, I said it.” She smiles all giddy like and nearly skips to the bar.
When she returns, we talk again. I tend to misinterpret just about everything she says as a sexual comment.
As we finish our drink I simply ask her where she lives. An apartment just around the corner. Great, let’s get out of here. Within 20 minutes we are at her house, 2 feet in the doorway with my cock buried in her as I push her face into the wall.
So what changed?
Am I more confident now? Yes. Do I understand women better? Yes. Have I studied all of the lines, routines, patterns and seduction techniques I can? Yes.
So what did I do that made such a difference? What was missing the first time?
With the first girl I achieved a massive amount of rapport, which I believe is still needed in the attraction phase. The difference was in achieving the rapport with the first girl, I let her lead, and therefore was scared to break rapport or show my sexuality.
With the second girl, I assume rapport and amped my sexuality. My teasing comments, like “hurry up” and “yeah I said it”, break rapport for a moment and display traits women are programmed to desire.
My entire persona was one of a sexual male, unashamed and unapologetic for being a man. In our society we continue to portray the confident sexual male as “bad”. We effeminate men at every chance. However, women are biologically programmed to desire the powerful sexual man. It is a primal instinct.
With animals, there are no pick-up lines, or cheesy routines. Male animals never go up to a female animal and say, “Wow, you are so beautiful, can I buy you a drink?”
Still these animals know their respective mating rituals. They understand the signals of when a prospective mate is ready or not ready.
Watch discovery channel sometime. Watch the mating of lions – it is brutal. Watch how birds or even how a hippo mates. Millions of species all born with the innate ability to understand exactly what it has to do to carry on the species. No books, no learning, no words. And the specimens that don’t know how to mate? They become genetic dead-ends.
For humans, we are obviously more complex than most animals. With our ability to communicate, learn, teach and create, we tend to learn our cues from those around us or what society teaches us. I believe it is more of a cultural problem now for men, rather than men not knowing what to do. If you don’t have strong sexual men as your father, leader or peer, you are going to have a hard time seeing this role in our culture. There are rarely any good role models left. The single mother can’t teach you. The weak man can’t teach you. And our media believes portraying men as bumbling and weak, while portraying women as the saviors of men will sell more advertising. And they are right. Even the advertisers portray the man as weak, and the woman as strong.
But you just aren’t going to erase million years of evolutionary sexual programming with a few “Sensitivity Training Classes.” Men, as they are programmed to do, are still turned on by sexy, .7 hip to waist ratio, firm breast, long haired young women while women are turned on by confident, high value, powerful, sexual men. This will not change anytime soon.
What has changed is we don’t have many good role models for the men anymore. I could write an entire book on the why. For now, just look around you and tell me how many sexual men do you see. Most men I see are nice, polite and hard working gentlemen or they are nice, shy, weak men.
Early media, however, had several good examples of raw sexuality combined with confidence. One of my favorites features Marlon Brando in “Streetcar Named Desire”.
0.08 He notices her. His face is that of slight amusement, but also of him judging her.
0.18 After feeling a little uncomfortable under his gaze she speaks and ask him a questions and gives her name.
0.22 He ignores the question and ask his own question, still with that slightly amused look on his face.
0.28 He removes his jacket and walks towards her. Notice how he invades her space as he passes by. He doesn’t touch her but it is obvious the intrusion in her space interrupted her normal patterns.
0.36 After throwing down his jacket he passes yet again too close to her. If you notice as he approaches he looks like he is walking right at her, then shifts slightly to walk by. He ask another chit-chat question without looking at her.
0.42 Still chit-chat without him paying her much attention. But watch how he moves. It is confident and graceful. A little faster than I would move, but it doesn’t have any nervous energy or feel to it.
0.49 Offers her a shot as an afterthought and with steady eye gaze.
0.54 Cocky and funny remark with subtext of sexually communication – “it touches them often”
1.00 More small talk while he changes his shirt. Expresses his confidence without seeming “try hard” or sleazy.
1.12 She makes comments about staying fresh in hot weather communicating some sexual interest.
1.20 Ignores the easy bait and continues small talk with an authoritative or expert tone.
1.24 Walks into her space as he ask an innocent but personal questions. Watch his eyes. They drop from her eyes, to her neck, to her breast. This displays his sexuality and power again as he judges her sexuality.
1.30 Big eyes as she responds she “teaches English.”
1.34 Cocky & Funny remark with a very amused look on his face as he replies, “Oh I never was good at English.”
1.35 Straight into a pattern interrupt with a direct and uncomfortable question for her. He continues to apprise her with his eyes, but his tone has signaled small talk is over. Now he is bluntly asking her how long she plans to stay.
1.44 Notice his face after her answer. He asked if she plans to shack up there – implying I don’t really want you here long. She says “yes, if it isn’t inconvenient for you all” – which is an obvious shit test and the way a girl tries to soften whatever she wants you to do. The nice guys would say “no problem at all” to her request. Marlon gets a look of “are you kidding/shock” to one of amused mastery which is “I understand exactly what you’re are doing”. He just looks at her with that amused look till the tension is too much for her.
1.50 She makes a slightly off topic comment designed to take the tension from her “inconvenient” comment earlier to focus on her as a poor sweet girl in need of help.
1.52 He responds with an ambiguous comment of “Well, take it easy.” The words mean “relax” but the tone is of “I understand what your are trying to do.”
1.53 Cat noise and she grabs him. Notice he doesn’t react, change his frame or move. His response is one of dismissiveness.
1.59 Pattern Interrupt as he makes a loud cat noise – making direct fun of her. Notice he amuses himself but doesn’t laugh at his own joke.
2.00 With the amused look he turns and yells for his wife.
While I personally would have slowed his movements down, this is a perfect example of a man displaying many attractive qualities including his sexuality.
It is not about learning to attract girls, it is about being attractive. All of the seduction secrets, Alpha attitude, confidence, routines, openers, patterns, etc. are designed for you to display your powerful male sexuality. If you want to be a legendary lover, than you must learn to free your sexuality for the world to see.