Hey! I really enjoy your viewpoints on all aspects of life, but I see you have not written about friendships and social circles. I am a college student having some trouble making new friends in a new setting, so I figured I will ask you some questions about it. How to make good friends and keep them? How to build an influential social circle? How to be the leader of the social circle? Best wishes,
Lucas

fun-at-the-range
Lucas it is a good question, and one I may not be the best qualified to answer. Friendships have never been my focus.

I do have a large amount of business contacts. I do have many circles of people that consider me a friend and want me to go do things with them. I am horrible at keeping up with everyone though.

I didn’t set out to build this social circle; I just did the things I love to do. And if I am going to do them, I want to be the absolute best, so I spend focused time perfecting all of my chosen skills and hobbies. This helps a lot with being the leader of any group. Men and women follow confidence and competence. Know what you are doing and do it… everyone else will join in and follow.

In business, I am not trying to win friends. I am focused on my mission, whatever that might be. It usually is around driving higher revenue and more profit. So at work I do the things it takes to make this happen.

I do have a few close friends from my current and past businesses. These were men that I just “clicked” with that also had the same goals…. Drive more revenue and higher profits. I do go have dinner, or drinks and other events with these guys. I never socialize with women from work…. It is too risky.

At the gym I am focused on building the best body I personally can. When I lift I go to complete and utter failure. I hold nothing back. And night after night, rep after rep, I have built a reputation as a strong and focused bodybuilder. All of the men and women that show up and lift with a dedicated regime know me. We have a common goal, and over time I have just got a long with them. Sometimes I go have dinner, drinks or other activities with these groups.

My next big hobby is shooting. I am a tactical range officer and I shoot 4-8 times per month. Typically 500-1000 rounds per week. In doing something I love I meet lots of men and women that also share a love for the sport. It is very easy to talk about our weapons, and hacks we have found to increase our skills.

In thinking this trough there are a couple of traits that have given me such a huge circle of friends. First, my communication skills. I spend a lot of time teaching men to communicate better with women, but these same skills apply to all communications. When you develop extreme confidence it is just natural and easy to treat people like friends. I just naturally assume they will like me, and I talk easily with people. If they are doing something I like, I ask about it.

Second, my lack of need. I am always busy. Very rarely am I sitting at home wondering what to do. Most of the time I have a schedule booked up for weeks in advance. By not ever being needy I bring positive energy to my interactions. I am not trying to get validation or anything else from other people. With this type of energy, people actually feel the positive energy I radiate, and they naturally want to be around me.

Now, after my accident I lost my large circle for a while. I didn’t socialize much for nearly 2 years. It took a lot of time and effort to heal and get back with the world.

So I didn’t try to make a large group of friends. I just went and did those things I love, and in doing them, I met a lot of people. It took time, but my focus is never on trying to make friends or pick up women… my focus is always doing things I love and bettering my own skills. I think this is really key.

I encourage you to do the same. Do things you really want to do, that you have a passion for. In doing those things, you will naturally meet people that like doing the same things.

When you talk to people, don’t brag about your skills… let them naturally find out. But do ask them about themselves. This is not a seduction technique, but rather a communication skill. People love to talk about themselves, so just ask them about their passions. That’s pretty much how it starts.

Most of the time, people ask me for my number, and I freely give it. Rarely do I ask. I believe in attracting things to me, not pursuing them, if that makes sense.

Typically, in a non-work area I follow two basic rules: 1) Tease women 2) Comment to men.
I flirt and tease with women, and with men I comment on something I like or ask them about something they have or they are doing. It’s pretty simple really. When dealing with men, simply be genuine and interested in whatever you ask them.

And talk to people.

In my training, I encourage students to go out to a mall and practice talking with anyone. It is a skill, and with a little practice you will rapidly learn how to build rapport, build comfort and find out what makes the other person tick (calibrate).

Just this last weekend my son, his girlfriend me and my date went to six flags. During the course of the day, I talked to at least 200 people. Mostly standing in line. About 60% were girls, and 40% were men. Most interactions created a group of us laughing and joking… which builds attraction in the date, and sometimes can add to the harem. Only had one interaction with a group of feminist lesbians go bad… and even then I knew it was a long shot before I opened my mouth. But I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. 3 land whales, one mangina and one actual pretty feminine girl. She was the only one that smiled.

Hope this helps.

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