1) Did you know that having sex at least once per week can lower a man’s risk of heart disease by 30%, stroke by 50%, and diabetes by 40%. It has also been shown that men with an active sex life are more likely to live past 80 years. Feel free to remind your women of this. – Keesling, Barbara. 2000. Rx Sex: Making Love Is the Best Medicine. Alameda, CA: Hunter House, Inc.
2) Nearly one in four Americans (65 million people) are currently living with an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD), which is why you should live by “a tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket”. – CDC FACTS
3) We know men and women tend to lie on self reported surveys, but this is one I can believe. “The Global Sex Survey 2005“ report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Believe it or not, a solid 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once. Personally, I have faked an orgasm so I could get some sleep – but this is when I was younger. On a marathon sex weekend last weekend, I think it was around our 13th time when I just stopped and told her I was tired.
4) Most of you know that the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal. I’m not about buying gifts for women, but if you are having a drink and inviting a woman back to your house, having a box of dark chocolates at your house can be a smooth way to begin those feelings of foreplay. My girl and I tend to eat a square a day, she for the fore play, I eat it because it is reported that the smell of pumpkin pie, licorice, chocolate, and donuts increase the blood to a man’s genitals and can help boost testosterone. “Berman, Laura. 2008. Real Sex for Real Women: Intimacy, Pleasure, and Sexual Well-Being”.
5) I thought back to when I was married, and I can attest this little fact from ” National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS)” is true. It states married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone. I know even though I had a healthy sex life when I was married, I get laid a lot more as single man. If the average wife only wants sex 2-3 times a week, and I want 5-7, then I need 2-3 girls in my life. I love math.
6) Regardless of what you believe, I believe that the entire feminist movement is nothing more than women fighting for the ability to do whatever they want, while limiting the options of a man’s sexuality (yep, it’s not about equal rights, as they already have more rights and laws for them than men). The best example I can find of this is the great fat state of Mississippi’s state legislature that introduced a bill in 2000 to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed. Catch that, you can’t get an erection in public. As for me, I certainly hope to break this law.
7) I remember the few times that an ex said “Not tonight, I have a headache”, the oh-so stereotypical excuse in our movies for why a woman doesn’t want to have sex. Just keep in mind that during the female orgasm, endorphins are released, which are powerful painkillers. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. Might be a good online dating profile headline “Headaches Healed in 30 Minutes or It’s Free!”
8) I know that if we add a little stimulation to the clit while we are banging, she is going to cum harder. Personally, it’s a little harder to rub her clit and put some power into my thrust so I like to give her a vibrator. You know, that nifty little common sex toy for women, that was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a tool to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation). The Doctor got tired of using his hands to stimulate the clit of his patients so he invented the vibrator to make his job easier. Sounds like the perfect plausible deniability story to me.
9) It is also reported that women over 40 years old are more likely to masturbate than any other group. I also found it amazing that 75% of Japanese women own a vibrator while the world average is reported at 47%. I think that is a higher number than of those that have smart phones. And how fast can they cum? Another report states the average woman can reach orgasm in about 4 minutes through masturbation. During normal sexual intercourse, it can take 10 – 20 minutes.
10) Remember, you should always bring up using vibrators and dildos on your girls. Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. Did you catch that, the dildo was invented before the wheel. Now I am starting to understand Cave Man style. “Macleod, Dan and Debra. 2007. Lube Jobs: A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex”
11) Speaking of Cave Man style, I have brought up many times how women will throw themselves at murders, rapist, and other evil men, but I got a kick out of this. There was a rumor that Ozti’s (Ice Man’s) balls still had viable sperm, like the quick-frozen type from sperm banks, and that prompted a number of Austrian women in the 1990s to ask if they could be artificially inseminated and have his baby. I guess the world has so few Alpha’s left women are willing to gamble the “cave man’s” kid would be better than Bob the accountant’s kid. “The Prehistory of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture.”
12) It also seems that Cave Men weren’t too keen on kids either. The earliest known illustration of a man using a condom during sexual intercourse is painted on the wall of a cave in France. It is dated between 12,000 and 15,000 years old. “Johnny Come Lately: A Short History of the Condom, 1985.”
13) I loved this little piece of trivia. Did you know the slang word for “prostitute” in Victorian times was “blowsy” and slang for “ejaculation” was “blow,” which is where we get our current phrase “blow job.” “Lube Jobs: A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex.”
14) And speaking of blowsy blow jobs, the foods you eat can affect the way your seamen taste. Foods like kiwi, celery, and pineapple can make semen sweet. Dairy products, meat, and alcohol are generally thought to worsen the taste. I had always heard pasta would make it sweeter too. And don’t worry, there seems to be an easy way to tell which girls are going to like oral sex better – according to the book ” What Your Mother Never Told You about Sex” Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex. They are also more likely to enjoy anal. “Real Sex for Real Women: Intimacy, Pleasure, and Sexual Well-Being.”
Did you know sex can make a girl more beautiful. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania also showed that people who have sex at least once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly.
Have Hay Fever? Suffer from a blocked nose? Never fear, sex is here. Sex is a natural antihistamine and will treat many allergy symptoms well.
Sex also happens to be the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium as every man who passes out right after sex can tell you.
16) About .6% of deaths occur during sex. One study showed that 93% of men who die of heart attacks during intercourse are cheating on their wives. That is the Alpha way to go.
17) The word “testis” (testes, plural) shares the same root as “testify” and comes from the Latin, meaning “witness.” It is believed that testify is the from the ancient Roman practice of a man bearing witness or “testifying” by holding his testis as he spoke. This little story will allow you to grab your balls whenever you want after you have told it.
18) Ever wonder where you should pick up girls? I loved the library, the bookstore or anywhere books were read. You see, a study reported women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t. “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps”
19) As many of my friends can confirm, the more sex you have, the more you will be offered. It is believed the sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. Pheromones have been proven to work in the animal kingdom, yet there is no medical research to proves this for humans. However, you will hear of some players not showering after sex and before going out. It is believed the actual scent of another woman on him will trigger the preselect switch. I can attest that this seems to work for me.
20) Of course you have read the study that proved that a man looking at female tits lived longer. Well, there are studies that also prove that men who look at male porn produce more sperm. The studies have shown that the men who watch two men and one woman produced more sperm than those who looked at just women. Scientists speculate that seeing competition makes men step up their baby-making capacities.
21) The most female orgasms per hour on record is a staggering 134. The most male orgasms per hour is just 16. That’s still an impressive reboot time.
22) In Victorian times, whores wore pubic wigs known as a merkin. The merkin has been around since the 1400s when it was originally worn by women who had shaved their pubic hair off to prevent lice. In the Victorian times it was frequently worn by prostitutes who wanted to conceal the fact that they had diseases like syphilis. Personally, I wonder if this is where the thong came from.
23) Every wonder why we call a prostitute a hooker? During the civil war General Hooker had huge groups of women follow around his troops and satisfy their urges. These lovely ladies were called “Hookers”. In every war, soldiers seem to max out on the STD’s and the Civil War was no different. In 1861 the Union Army Medical Department reported that 1 out of 12 soldiers had venereal disease. One report showed that out of 468,000 men checked, 188,000 had an STD (2 out of 5).
24) Some women were even smarter about using prostitutes in war – Betsy Ross reportedly had girls sleep with enemies during the revolutionary war and report back on any intelligence they gathered.
25) Did you know that women are less likely to be friends with women who have more sexual partners – regardless of how many partners they have had. Slut shaming is real, but it is typically women shaming women.
26) Girls have always loved the dick. In Roman times phalluses were considered good luck charms and were worn as charms on necklaces or hung in doorways as wind chimes as a way to ward off evil spirits. If your wife is begging you for jewelry, make sure to get her the dick charm for her bracelet from James Avery.
27) Speaking of Rome, they suffered a similar welfare/slut/feminist movement like we are in the USA. And there civilization went extinct. One perfect example of just how depraved the elites of the time had become was that of Emperor Claudius’ third wife, Valeria Messalina. According to historians, she competed against a prostitute to see who could have the most sexual partners in a night. She won by satisfying 25 men in a single stretch. Another story has her creating a brothel where she and other members of the aristocracy anonymously serviced the men of the city because, hey what else is a wealthy housewife going to do. Sounds a lot like the little sisters of my old fraternity.
28) Did you know that the CDC finds that nearly 1/3 of all women have had anal sex and that number is on the rise. Personally, most of my LTR’s have had anal sex – it’s a rule. It is also reported that white women are the most likely to engage in anal sex, particularly if they also have a college degree.
29) Trying to decide which girl would likely be the easiest same night lay at the bar? Reportedly, 60% of non-smoking women have had no sexual partners in the past year, while 70% of women who smoke have had more than four lovers over the same timescale. Personally, a girl smoking or drinking beer has always proven to be easier and sluttier than a non-smoker or a girl that only drinks wine.
30) Ever wonder why strippers wear those ridiculously tall shoes? Part of it is to look leaner by looking taller, but some high heel shoe brands are developed so that the arch in their high-heeled shoes approximate the arch in a woman’s pelvis when she is having an orgasm. The heels create a contraction in the pelvic floor that simulates some of the stimulation the pelvic muscles feel in an orgasm.
31) Speaking of orgasms for women, the pulsations a woman feels during orgasm are actually her uterus trying to gather sperm. Round ligaments that end in the labia majora “rock the uterus back and forth during orgasm so that the cervix has the opportunity to potentially scoop semen up that may have pooled in the back of the vagina to enhance fertility…”. -Fromberg.
32) The average male orgasm lasts six seconds; the average female orgasm lasts twenty seconds. So much for equal rights!
33) We have all heard “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and that was oh so true for Princess Olga of Kiev. You see Igor, her husband, was murdered by the Drevlyans, an Eastern Slavic tribe. Olga took over the Kievan Rus’, but the Drevlyans didn’t want a female ruler, so they sent her a group of suitors.
Apparently she was not very pleased they murdered her husband so Olga had the suitors place on a boat in the courtyard of the castle. Then the boat was dumped into a giant hole where the suitors were buried alive. She then told the Drevlyans that she had accepted a suitor and organized a party in her bath house. After the guests arrived, the doors were sealed and the bath house was burned to the ground. Still not pleased Olga held a party (seemingly to make amends for the burning) and the Drevlyan guests she invited proceeded to get intoxicated. Olga then ordered her royal guard to kill all 5,000 of them that night.
Finally the Drevlyans realized the absolute bat shit crazy they were dealing with an requested her forgiveness. Olga simply requested the Drevlyans give her three pigeons and three sparrows from each home from their capital of Iskorosten. When they birds arrived, she had hot coals tied to their legs and set them free – where the immediately returned to the capital. As the city burned to the ground from the resulting fire, the people that ran out of the city were either killed, enslaved, or extorted by Olga’s army.
Personally, I think I married her sister.
34) For you guys that think of romance as a courtly knight, you should read the book called “The Art of Courtly Love” written in the 12th century. There were 31 rules that told the British upper-class how to love and who they could love. It also was fairly Alpha by telling the rich that “True love can have no place between husband and wife” and that “marriage should be thought of as a business arrangement.” Guys we guys have always needed this advice.
35) And here is one last one just for the guys. Want a bigger dick? Weight loss increases the size of a man’s penis. For every 35 pounds of fat lost the fat at the base decreases enough to give them an extra inch. With that, I am headed to the gym.