Most men feel sexual tension the moment they see an attractive girl. Long hair, slender waist, firm breast, pretty face and the guy feels physical attraction for the girl. This feeling of attraction is what typically creates approach anxiety in your mind.
Most men allow their limiting beliefs to dictate whether or not there will be an interaction with the girl. They tend to think they aren’t tall, muscular, good looking, young or old enough to attract the woman since they are hard wired to feel sexual tension first through visual cues, and they expect the woman to be visual too.
Luckily, women are hard wired much differently. Sure, they are still attracted to tall dark and handsome (TDH) men, but I have seen these same TDH men destroy any attraction they have with said female within 10 seconds of talking.
Women are emotional creatures, and they rely on a host of emotional cues to feel sexual tension or chemistry with a man. For a woman, if she feels the chemistry, then the sexual tension is present regardless of what the man looks like. This is the primary reason you will see a girl with a guy that you believe is below her. He isn’t trying to rely on his looks, he is eliciting sexual/emotional feelings in her.
For a woman, sexual tension is created by interrupting her normal patterns of dealing with a man. Very attractive women have been hit on by men so often, that the environment trains them to see certain cues and automatically slot the man into a nonsexual interaction.
For example, when a man first sees a beautiful women, approaches her and opens with, “Hi, I saw you across the room. I just wanted to tell you, you look so beautiful”, he is likely saying and doing the same thing 1000’s of other men have done. No spark, no attraction and no sexual tension. Regardless of what he feels for her from the visual cues (being hot), she is not going to reciprocate this same feelings without attraction and sexual tension (emotional cues).
He is being nice and is definitely trying. It takes balls to even walk up to a hot girl and try. Most guys feel he has complimented her and displayed his attraction to her, and he is hoping she accepts his display and reciprocates the attraction. However, she has had the experience of the last 1000 guys trying the same approach. To her it is boring and literally falls into a pattern that she won’t even consciously recognize. You will be slated “no” by the subconscious rather quickly though.
To start igniting sexual tension in a girl, you have to spark attraction. Both attraction and sexual tension can be created in similar means by flirting, using sexually suggestive behavior or humor and demonstrating you are a confident, powerful male with high value.
Now this doesn’t usually mean being sexually blunt, though in context it can work wonders. One girl I had wanted for 6 months didn’t see me as anything other than a customer who visited her place of business every couple of weeks (she worked in a CPA firm). One day when I saw her out with friends at a little pub I walked up to her, looked her dead in the eyes and said, “Has anyone ever told you they would like to bend you over that pool table and fuck you from behind?” Yes, this instantly moved me out of the “nice guy” bucket and definitely sparked sexual tension. But to keep this tension alive, we have to add another element…
As humans, we don’t usually want what we can easily have; we prefer to have something just out of reach. I know girls say they want a nice guy who can emotionally connect with her, but if you give her what she wants without resistance and tension, you will extinguish her desire for you.
But, if you talk slower. Move slower. Hold eye contact a little longer. Tease her. Be playful and cocky. Pausing after certain bold comments. Move forward two steps in the seduction process, then retreat back a step, you will be building attraction and sexual tension using anticipation. You will put her on a roller coaster ride of wonderful emotions, all eliciting the powerful hormones in her brain that make her desire you sexually.
And to do all of this, you must make a decision. You must be willing to put it all out there. Like Cortes who conquered the Incas, you must be willing to burn your ships and leave no avenue for escape. To put it bluntly, if your intention is to create sexual attraction in a girl you will have to let your balls completely hang out with no chance for plausible deniability.
You have to be willing to be rejected.
You have to be willing to walk away from the interaction without her.
You have to be willing to lose her with no second chance.
You must be willing to break rapport and move past politically correct.
You must be bold and confident.
Sometimes you can be direct, other times you will want to be indirect. This is typically designated by the social setting and your calibration of the girl.
And unless you have “model” good looks with Alpha attitude and power, you are going to have to create this tension. She may reject you. She may laugh at you. She may object to your flirting. She may throw a drink in your face. She may slap you. Now I have had several drinks thrown in my face, but I have never been slapped, though I have seen it done. But more likely she is going to feel that spark of sexual intention and want to give you the opportunity.
Regardless of your surroundings, if you don’t want a woman becoming too comfortable with you and just begin to see you as a swell, nice guy to talk with then you must remove that option at the very beginning of the interaction by letting your intentions be known.
Personally, I start with flirty, sexual overtone comments. Flirting can be interjecting subtle sexual observations, cocky & funny lines, or sexual body language into your communication.
Her: “Hi, how are you?”
Me: “Great, (pause) but I practice a lot… how are you?”
Straight to sexually laced & flirty comment on my first line. No chance for retreat after a comment like that. It communicates everything I want it to communicate without being blunt or crude. This is flirting where I am portrayed as the sexual, confident male and instantly creates tension (assuming she actually understands – about 1/20 miss this entirely).
You do not do this by being nice, complimenting her beauty or buying her stuff. Even relationships that have lasted a while will fall apart when you give the girl exactly what she wants. I promise, I know from experience. Give a woman safe certainty and her sexual desire for you will fade, however, give this same woman hope and uncertainty, and she’ll want you forever.
Sexual Tension Traits
- Talk Lower and Slower. When men are nervous they tend to talk too quickly with a high voice. This is a subconscious response to stress, and is easily picked up on by members of the opposite sex. Take a deep breath and relish the tension. Let it exist without needing to reduce it. Just know this tension is building chemistry and sexual attraction in her. So slow down your speech, deepen your voice and continue with the tension.
- Speak With Confidence and Authority. If she has to say “what?” because she didn’t hear what you said, then you’re letting tension slip away. Speak clearly and project your voice. For full effect, shift from loud to soft depending on the story, but always make sure you are heard. This will force her to sometimes listen more carefully. Changing between louder and softer tones will help build a woman’s interest and attraction by requiring her to interchangeably focus when you speak more softly, and relax when you speak more loudly.
- Hold Strong, Intense Eye Contact. When we’re nervous, we unintentionally break eye contact. Don’t do this when you first interact with her. It’s okay to look around casually during the chit-chat parts of the interaction, but be sure to keep strong eye contact whenever sparking attraction, increasing tension or in “play” mode. When you focus intensely on her during these situations it has the likely outcome of making her feel uncomfortable in a very good way. It communicates that you are confident, dominant and of higher value. It also speaks right to her soul that you are not scared of her or burning this interaction.
- Maintain Strong, Powerful and Sexual Body Language. When you move slowly it will indicate that you’re composed and confident. This helps her to relax and shows her you are in total control despite the tension of the situation. This actually increases her own personal tension. The calmer you are, the more sexual tension she will feel. And women just love the rush of endorphins from these feelings. Watch how you stand, sit, and generally move. Use big body language and try to lead the mirror/rapport phase without leaning in. If you’re nervous your body language will reflect it with fidgety behavior and she will feel this nervous energy which will make her nervous in a counter-productive way.
- If it is your joke, don’t laugh. A person that lacks confidence will try to let the tension drop by nervously laughing. They will do this at their own expense, either with self depreciating humor or trying to crack jokes that they laugh at. As the tension builds, you may find the girl also trying to release the tension with humor. Don’t laugh for laughter’s sake, and don’t be the guy that laughs at his own jokes all the time. Learn to relish the tension, to draw power from it, shape it and use it as your heart’s desire.
- Never apologize. If you apologize in a sexual tension or attraction phase you are communicating to the girl that you are needy and require her approval. Not exactly awe inspiring masculine leadership and the tension will go from attraction to “ick” in her mind. If you say something meant to increase the tension, and she mocks being mad (hell, even if she is mad) you hold frame, look her in the eye and say, “Yeah, I said it.” And watch the attraction and tension skyrocket.