Understanding someone’s values can help you understand their actions, mental road maps, likes and dislikes in a very succinct way. If you had the ability to ask 3 simple questions, and understand a person’s values in a particular area of life, you would have the ability to connect with them on a deeper level and bond with them in a way most humans don’t. You could also manipulate them into doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
Now, I am not a moral cop, nor I am advocating you manipulate people, but since it happens all the time, by learning this process not only can you emotionally connect with people better, you can also prevent people from manipulating you. How you use this is completely up to you, but this is a deep step to emotionally bond with another human.
What Are Values
As a human, you operate on a hierarchy of values. Values are broad concepts that guide your decisions in life; they determine what is important to you, and they are the foundation of your character. For example, think of the Marine Code: Never Leave A Man Behind. This value influences how Marines will operate especially in dangerous combat activities. This value may be elevated over the value of “safety” such that a Marine charges back for a wounded buddy – and loses his life in the process.
Sometimes, your view of the world, or desires can be in conflict. What the conscious mind deems important is not always the same as what the unconscious mind values. Think of a smoker – they consciously know they shouldn’t smoke (health value), but the subconscious is in the habit of smoking (acceptance, adventure, rush values). Subconscious usually overrides the conscious. This is also why a man who wouldn’t kill, would kill if placed in a certain scenario, or a person who wouldn’t steal, would if the surroundings aligned with a different value or even why a woman or man will cheat. Override the conscious filter with a subconscious value and they will do whatever you want.
Values can be detected by what people are attracted to or repulsed by and through a person’s actions (which is why you never listen to what a girl says she wants, you watch what she does). Values determine how humans spend their time and resources. Because individuals have different hierarchies of values, they experience life differently. For instance, individuals whose top value is “wealth” will invest time and effort in that area by learning all they can and implementing the knowledge. Their actions and experience of life will reflect the focus of “wealth”. However, if a few of these same individuals do not also value “honesty”, then they may chose a route to wealth focused on cheating or stealing rather than investing and building.
Your values exist deep in your unconscious – as a result, you may or may not be aware of what yours are – but they are the key to defining your basic personality and identity. Many guys have a sense of honor (white knighting) where they stand up for a female in a conflict with a different male, even if they don’t know her, she started the conflict and the man is justified in his treatment of her. The WK that values “protecting” or “impressing” may place himself in harm’s way, even when his conscious mind logically tells him he shouldn’t.
With that, your values and beliefs are the catalyst for your behaviors – both those you are consciously aware of and those you are not. Values and beliefs can create cycles of behavior that may or may not be helpful to you; by changing or reorganizing the cause of behavior (your values) you will get results you do want.
Examples of values are:
freedom, security, happiness, fun, recognition, acceptance, dependability, accountability, integrity, adventure, work/life balance, challenge, affection, fairness, travel, openness, etc.
Keep this in mind: Values determine content of experience.
Values Elicitation Process
We elicit or find out someone’s values by asking three questions that will help us understand their hierarchy and the primary value. The general questions to ask:[ Members Only Content – please sign up to view it… ]