Rapport n 1: relation of trust between people. 2: a feeling of sympathetic understanding [syn: compatibility]. 3: in accord, harmony. 4: having a mutual, especially a private, understanding.

Rapport, Trust & Comfort

Many people see rapport as a relation of mutual understanding or trust between people. Some see it as a feeling of sympathetic understanding. Everyone agrees that it is one of the needed ingredients that allow people to forge strong relationships (whether business, personal or otherwise) that last for the long term. Rapport is a vital ingredient in the artful communicator’s skill set as it allows you to connect with another human being in such a way that many of the natural defenses people carry around to protect their self esteem are spontaneously lowered.

Whilst building rapport has an infinite level of complexities and subtleties that a person could spend a fruitful lifetime exploring, it is also (fortunately) something that you can learn to do very simply. At the most basic level, rapport can be boiled down to two concepts: Trust and Comfort.

Building Trust & Comfort are the essential elements that you must look for in any encounter that you wish to prolong, harmonize the communication, create a connection or attraction with someone else. In this section we will be exploring several processes that human beings naturally engage in which result in a natural rapport.

When you begin, it is always best to be genuine about your communication. Much of the non-verbal subtext that you will be broadcasting will be unconscious. So communicating with integrity and an aligned set of internal maps will be the best way to ensure you broadcast only congruent rapport signals to others. As Trust and Comfort are at the root of this set of experiences, you would do well to project precisely those qualities. As you get better at communication with people, you will know when to break rapport to increase sexual tension.

Finally, what you project (i.e. the conscious and unconscious signals that you send out) when building rapport is only one half of the equation. Rapport is a feedback process between two or more entities. In order to feed back something to another person, you need to be able to receive – rather perceive – the changes that occur in a live interaction. The ability to refine your senses to perceive such signals will be dealt with under Calibration. But just because that “topic” is covered elsewhere does not mean that it does not have great value here!


People like other people who are like themselves. Typically, they dress the same, have similar body language and values. Look at the bikers, they all look the same, dress the same way, use the same facial expressions and body language but each will tell you he’s “doing his own thing”.
When you are meeting a woman for the first time, you need to assess quickly the vibe they feel: are they feeling positive or negative. Don’t worry if they “like you”, that doesn’t matter. But as you build attraction you can gauge how this is going through the rapport clues. Do this by scanning the other person’s body to see if they will move or gesture the same way you do. This is known as ‘mirroring’. We mirror each others body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating rapport, but we are usually oblivious to the fact that we are doing it. Yet by mirroring then leading the body dance, we can influence the attraction one has for us.

Gagging rapport can be no more than leaning back, and see if they lean back as well. Or lean in slightly and see if they lean in. If, within a few minutes they adjust to your body language, they are in rapport with you.

To start building rapport, you can always intentionally mirror someone. As you are talking, you slowly match their breathing, voice tone, and body language. If they lean back, within a few moments you lean back. As you pace her, you will find her becoming more comfortable with you. If you start watching real humans in public, you can see this dance all the time.

Non-verbally, mirroring says ‘Look at me; I’m the same as you. I feel the same way and share the same attitudes.’ This is why people in groups even walk with the same stride. The synchronicity of the group promotes a secure feeling in the participants. Similarly, people in an angry mob will mirror aggressive attitudes and this partly explains why many usually calm people can lose their cool in this situation (group mob mentality).

The urge to mirror is also the basis on which a queue works. In a queue, people willingly co-operate with people they have never met and will never see again, obeying an unwritten set of behavioral rules. Ever notice that, while waiting in line, walking at the zoo, or even soldiers in combat, people typically act the same? Professor Joseph Heinrich from the University of Michigan found that the primal urges to mirror others are hardwired into the brain because in our ancestry co-operation led to more food, better health and economic growth for the group. It also offers some explanation as to why societies that are highly disciplined in mirroring, such as the British, Germans and ancient Romans successfully dominated the world for many years.

Mirroring makes others feel calm and close to us. As a powerful rapport-building tool slow-motion video research reveals that it even extends to near simultaneous blinking, nostril-flaring, eyebrow-raising and even pupil dilation, which is remarkable as these micro-gestures cannot be consciously imitated.

It’s All About Creating The Vibes

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